Date: 04/08/10 09:01 pm Title: The Meeting
Idk, the tenses don't matter much to me.
Tom with his fucking smirking is getting me annoyed >.> I like Bill in this.
The whole story reminds me of bits and pieces of my life. Maybe that's why I like it so much, I am not sure... Love it though. Amazing amazing job :) Update as soon as you possibly can
Author's Response: Thank you! And Tom will start making sense soon, I promise. And will update soooooon. :D
Date: 04/08/10 07:01 pm Title: The Meeting
"But no matter how stone-cold we force ourselves to be – one day, there will be someone or something that will break through our walls. And whatever helped us get by before – it stops working and that’s when the hurt kicks in. That’s when the tears start to roll and that’s when we break down, even if we so willingly swore before not to care even the teensiest bit."
I LOVE THIS PART. You're words always make me just want to scream becuase they are so close to the truth. I love love love it! You're awesome! Can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so very much, bb! <3 Next chapter should be up within the following days, at least I'll try my best!
Date: 04/08/10 06:52 pm Title: The Meeting
Listing.... lmao.
Huh, this is starting to remind me of the song "That Day".
Screams, being left home alone, physics, healers, fixed, not broken....
:)
Date: 04/05/10 10:45 pm Title: The Beginning
I just read your response to my chapter 1 review and it made me laugh because I'm not a native speaker either!! I've been living in America for practically forever though, and I learned all the correct grammar in primary school. So, yea... I just felt like sharing XD
Nice writing for a non-native by the way!!!
Date: 04/05/10 08:24 pm Title: The Attempt
WHEW!!!! had tears in my eyes...POOR BILL T__T...that what Simone get...Jorg brain washing Bill and now she cant really do anything unless later on somewhat...oOoOo...what is gonna happen...O_O!...cant wait =D
Date: 04/04/10 02:04 pm Title: The Attempt
Aha! You quoted the song "Pill" by Pink! I'm smart. Well... actually... I just like that song :)
I see that ou update quickly- please continue doing this!! I can't wait to see what will happen next!
Author's Response: You ARE smart! I can't update that fast anymore, but I'll try my best. Thank you.<3
Date: 04/04/10 01:52 pm Title: The Wake-Up Call
I love the way Bill's thoughts alternate with the present ongoings of the story. It gives more depth to what's going on and the gravity of Bill's situation. :)
Date: 04/04/10 01:44 pm Title: The Beginning
Wow this is intense!! I really like it so far. Also, I want to let you know that when you write you should start a new paragraph when someone else speaks. I corrected the one mistake below this:
Horrified, Bill pulls down his father’s pants to find a disgusting dick staring right in his face. “Suck it,” Jorg demands.
“No…” Bill whimpers and tears roll down his cheeks.
“SUCK IT, you motherfucker, you do what I say!” Jorg yells and yanks Bill’s head closer.
So, just keep that in mind. Sorry if I sound weird or anything. XD
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I'm not a native speaker, so I'm grateful for every tip! :) Thank you so much!
Date: 04/04/10 09:20 am Title: The Attempt
This is perfect. Really. :)
Date: 04/04/10 04:15 am Title: The Attempt
Wow laura this is so amazing:O
Actually...you layer your writing and makes hidden phrases and meanings here and there, I love it so much. I always wanted to read something of a fanfic like this, with abuse and dark edge to it- and your story is the first I've seen!
I hope you finish it, and wow boy do u write fast!
Author's Response: Bby, your opinion means the most to me and thank you for each and every kind and encouraging word you've given me! <3rnrnHaha, well the fast-writing-times are over as weekend came to an end. :(
Date: 04/04/10 02:15 am Title: The Attempt
Ohmygoodness.
I'm in love with this story, update soon :)
Date: 04/04/10 12:59 am Title: The Attempt
Nice plot, love the story....update soon
Date: 04/04/10 12:40 am Title: The Attempt
Don't flash back so much...it breaks the flow of reading the story. Maybe do a complete chapter of flashback and then use the following chapter to explore how that scene from the past affects Bill in the here and now.
Author's Response: I'm sorry, I myself like to write that way, but I'll remember your reccomendation and will think about it. :)
Date: 04/03/10 11:17 pm Title: The Attempt
Ok, this is simply amazing! I love the way your words flow. It's like I can feel Bill's confusion in myself and it's so great how you can do that with words. Amazing! I love the hurt, the anger, the darkness. Everything. Can't WAIT to read more!
Date: 04/03/10 10:32 pm Title: The Attempt
"They’re just like a pill, instead of making you better, they keep making you ill." I noticed the P!nk reference and like Bill, in a far better situation though, I think I deserve a cookie. This story is very interesting by the way, very well written. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: YES, you get a cookie! *hands out a cookie* I just love this song and I couldn't help but put it in the story. :D rnrnAnd oh, thank you so very much! <3
Date: 04/03/10 09:27 pm Title: The Attempt
God. Bill needs some help. No scartch that. ALOT of help. When can he feel better and we see Tom?
Author's Response: Tom will come in the next episode. <3 And remain there till the end. :)
Date: 04/03/10 09:17 pm Title: The Attempt
Well Bill is 18 now and can do whatever he wants so she really has no say in what he can and can't do
Date: 04/03/10 09:13 pm Title: The Attempt
How terrible!!
The situation not your story or chapter
This poor boy is suffering years of brainwashing and he's scared too
This sick and sickening relation ship is all he knows, how could he imagine they are other things out there
Date: 04/03/10 08:38 pm Title: The Attempt
"And Bill always obeys"
aah.. my God...
Daddy dug a hole in his little mind and the influence is so thick.. shit
wonderful fic so far =3 you update fast... but that is good!