Date: 01/26/12 07:57 pm Title: These Boys With Choices
Please update soon >.
Date: 04/06/11 05:32 pm Title: These Boys With Choices
Oh myyy!! Uhm uhm...When is the next chapter going to be D:!? That was such a good story!! I Loved itt!
Date: 02/07/11 04:30 am Title: These Boys With Choices
Omg, but I love this so much! Please, please, PLEASE finish it! D:
Date: 03/24/10 07:00 am Title: These Boys With Choices
Oh, the contrast! I love the visuals you're creating for me with this story, it's so exhilarating.
The shiny, hazy, too bright world of Bill's filled with false everything and misery versus the dim, bloody, dirty world of Tom's - keep emphasizing this, it is so good.
I love drugs in stories, so I hope there will be some conflict involving Bill's addictions. As well, I would caution against having Tom fix everything right away. When you write, "Bill realizes he’s been so focused on the issue with Tom that he hasn’t had a single suicidal thought in days... The distraction feels nice," it's necessary to start building up the chemistry between the two. However, I would find it unrealistic if Bill's suicidal tendencies completely disappeared from this moment on; I think that aspect of his current state would be a great opportunity for more conflict and character building.
I can't say much for Tom's character because I don't know his past and such, but I really like what you're doing so far. It would be so easy to portray him with the cliche of the poor/simple person with a simple answer that's actually wise or whatever; the cliche I'm trying to describe here is often used in movies or shows in which the crazy city person has to go hoof it in the country and learns a life lesson, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, you have completely NOT done that, for which I am grateful. Tom does not come off as simple, but astoundingly different and complex compared to his career. I think the most enlightening dialogue was right in the first chapter, where he describes what he wants that Bill can't provide. Very intriguing, which of course means the reader is totally sucked in.
I think you're prose/diction is your strongest point, especially when describing Bill's perspective on his life. I am very excited for this story, and with your current unfortunate circumstances in mind, I look forward to when you might have a chance to update again.
Good luck with everything, hope to read more of yours soon!
Date: 03/20/10 03:50 pm Title: These Boys With Choices
it's plenty realistic for me! in my mind, at least, there's a distinction between real world realistic and fic-world realistic...like a vampire fic could still be realistic if you get what i mean. XD it's okay if you don't, but basically my point is this is really awesome so far! can't wait for your next update :)
Date: 03/17/10 11:12 pm Title: These Boys With Choices
love this story dude haha its real good and yeaa its completly unrealistic but its awesome haha sorry bout your circumstances lol hope you can update soon(:
Date: 03/17/10 01:43 am Title: These Boys With Choices
I hope you're able to post more of this soon, because so far this is amazing! You really do have a talent for writing, and you definitely need to keep it up no matter what. I love this story and I can't wait to read more!
Date: 03/16/10 01:29 pm Title: These Boys With Choices
oooh, this story is awesome :D i was like O_O when i read the parent-thingy. omg ... XD
Date: 03/16/10 10:13 am Title: These Boys With Choices
Awe, sorry to hear about your fics getting found hun. This chapter made me smile though! They're moving in together, and I'm imagining endless possibilities now :)
Date: 03/16/10 07:02 am Title: These Boys With Choices
It's a good contrast~ Keep it up! For a second there I thought he'd take Tom to the Maldives~ (or maybe he will XD)
Date: 03/16/10 01:06 am Title: These Boys With Choices
I'm so happy you got to update! I've caught myself thinking about this story. :)
Tom an underground fighter! That's really interesting and I've certainly never seen it done before. I couldn't help but picture him all sweaty and banged up like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. Nice image, though. ;)
I thought sure Bill was going to drag Tom off to the Maldives with him. I'm very excited for the next chapter, whenever you are able to update. :D
Date: 03/16/10 12:47 am Title: These Boys With Choices
Hehe that's what makes fiction so great though. This chapter was great. I'm glad Tom ended up taking Bill's offer, and I can't wait to find out more about him. Update soon! :3
Date: 03/15/10 11:14 pm Title: These Boys With Choices
I really like the start of this! It interesting and makes we want to read more. Please update ASAP! :)
Date: 03/04/10 09:54 pm Title: These Puddles With Voices
i hate david for some reason...interesting story...sorry about the stash.
Date: 03/04/10 07:18 pm Title: These Puddles With Voices
Now why did I read this? I mean, since I know you're going to be gone for a long time and it's probably going to take a while for more. Because I'm already enjoying these characters. You do a great job at not making the character too perfect, giving them just enough flaws to be real but not so much that we don't like them. Between this and your other stories that I love, I'm going to be going nuts until you get back!
Date: 03/04/10 06:36 pm Title: These Puddles With Voices
Very very worthy I love the beggining good stuff, I hope you write more! one thing i dont understand? you say your parents found you slash stash, so? do they hate homosexuals or something? I'm sorry i'm being so In your business but, I was just wondering. Good start though =)
Date: 03/04/10 07:43 am Title: These Puddles With Voices
So... I'm sorry about your parents discovery :S It can suck, my parents never got my stack of slash stories, but it can turn out a little bit depressing when they take away your laptop
About the story... I liked it :) And I want to keep reading it, I hope you can solve your problems and get back to your pc :D
-Loves
Author's Response: Yes, it does suck lol. My laptop is my life! Anyway, thank you very much for the review, glad to know you like it!
Date: 03/04/10 07:30 am Title: These Puddles With Voices
Very worth continuing! I`d be very happy if you did :D
Bill`s character is very real, crisp, like he`s going to jump of a page any second. Tom- from what little we saw- seems pretty interesting, too :)
I really like the story line- it`s utterly, deeply, completely awesome :)
Thank you for writing, and I hope your `rents don`t totally kill you.... ^-^'
Author's Response: Thank you--this was an amazing review! I love when people comment more than 'love it update soon' haha ;P thanks again!
Date: 03/04/10 04:57 am Title: These Puddles With Voices
This is good :)!
Author's Response: thank you :)
Date: 03/04/10 02:16 am Title: These Puddles With Voices
Good story...what happens next?
Author's Response: thank you! we shall see ;)