Date: 06/29/10 06:21 pm Title: Something's Wrong...
This is really good!! Your an amazing writer and i really can't wait for the next chapter ;)
Date: 02/24/10 08:10 pm Title: Something's Wrong...
it's really good so far. i can't wait to see what happens next.
Date: 02/24/10 07:19 pm Title: Something's Wrong...
it's really good so far. i can't wait to see what happens next.
Date: 02/24/10 05:34 pm Title: Something's Wrong...
I really wasn't trying to be mean, geez. Some people are so touchy...>.< I've been told lots of shit about my art/writing but I don't snap at people! Maybe dont' write it from your ipod then? I figured I'd get a response like this, so many people on this site get pissed off at the smallest things these days. Fine, I'm sorry, but there was no need to get all defensive, I was trying to help, not be mean.
Author's Response: Look, I'm sorry for being rude... I just... I spent alot of time writing it and trying to get it up here ans the ipod is the only thing I have!
Date: 02/24/10 05:22 pm Title: Something's Wrong...
Hmm, I really don't want to be harsh but this was very choppy and too fast-paced I think. I mean, I can't judge the idea yet, since it's just getting started, but I think you should have someone help you look over your writing and add some more descriptions and explanations in to make it flow better.
Ex: "Go away!" Bill shouted from inside his room.
George knew something was wrong... Bill could sometimes be grumpy in the morning but he would never be that harsh.
Could be fixed to something like this: "Leave me the alone and go the fuck away!" Bill shouted from inside his room, a growling tone to his voice.
Georg immediately knew there was something wrong with the singer. Sometimes Bill could be grumpy in the morning, there were many times where he'd snap when someone tried to wake him, but he never sounded so harsh. Figuring he should seek help in getting his bandmate out of bed, he looked at Tom, who sat at the kitchen table.
I hope this helps to give you an idea? Just work on making it flow better and you should be fine!
Author's Response: You know what? I'm writing this from my fucking ipod! It's hard to fucking go into damn detail. If you don't like it then don't read it!