Date: 04/30/23 08:13 pm Title: Chapter 1: Stare Into the Sun, To See My Face For Once
I have left a review on other stories of yours, but wanted to say that I enjoyed this one too!
Date: 08/20/13 08:50 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
Wonderful, beautiful story! Loved it!
Date: 05/23/10 01:14 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
This was lovely...just the right amount of melancholy.
Author's Response: *grins* thank you! I just kept calling this my angst fic for like the LONGEST but this review gave me the perfect word for it. ^_^
Date: 03/20/10 11:21 am Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
Oh my...I can't tell how sorry I am that I'm done reading. Bb, seriously, thanks for asking me to read it, but mostly, thank you for writing it, I've been wanting to read a fiction like this in...ages, it seems. You didn't even make it too long, six chapters is a reasonable length, otherwise the story would get too heavy I guess.
So...well, it was really angsty angsty angsty in the end, lol. I know that you were expecting this to turn out less sad, but you know, this story is really beautiful, and I don't think I *personally* would have felt the same way about a story with the same premise but with a different plot. I simply enjoyed it too much.
So. I'm reviewing five long chapters all together, forgive me if I miss something, which is likely to happen.
I've been wondering what you meant when you said "don't feel too bad for Tom". How could I not feel bad for Tom? First, Simone is being extremely harsh with him, and secondly, Bill is just as tough. It seemed to me that Tom was alone there, facing all those people that - for their own various reasons - were holding it against him. But poor Tom! So I hope you understand why I've been by his side all this time, pretty much.
I also wondered what you meant when you said "I promise there's more dialogue to come." Haha, now I know why you wrote 'promise' in capitals, too. Now that was really what I mean by interesting dialogue. You know when you can't help but read on and on? There. It's been really intense, and even then, I just stared so intently at the screen I'm surprised I didn't go blind.
I'm so glad that they fixed it, and I'm so glad they didn't fuck each other at once, it was really...angsty, yes, lol. Very sad, too.
I've been on Tom's side until the very end, when I really thought "Ouch, Tom!". So in the end, it was really his fault, basically.
Still, I'm not sure I liked Bill totally. He wasn't so bad, only, he could've acted in a more civil way with his brother, considering that Tom was supposed to act in a civil way too. Oh well.
There's something that has been bugging me, but if I just hush it, I'll feel insincere. This is nothing personal against your fiction, nothing personal against children too, but I just can't stand them, I find kids extremely annoying (despite the fact that EVERY. SATURDAY. AFTERNOON. I have to look after my baby cousins).
What annoys me the most about children in stories, is that they seem to be always extremely perceptive, not to mention all that smartness that they show. I don't know why authors write about children in that way, I only know that it frustrates me a lot, not to mention how irritating those kids are. I was hoping that Amie could be closer to reality, but...
"Why don't you and Daddy talk? Was it because of Momma?" - There we go! She's smart like a genius. Now, I did tell you it's just something personal I have against kids, so don't take me too seriously on that matter. In fact, Amie doesn't play that much of a role, she doesn't appear too much, and she doesn't overly influence Bill's behaviour. Which makes it okay, for the first time I read about a bearable kid, lol.
We've already spoken about the random tense change, haven't we? I've noticed that your verbs tended to shift a lot from past to present, then back to past and then back to present, but as I've already said, that's something minor, both because my attention was focused on something else (ANGST) and because I'm not a native speaker, so I things like those don't touch me too much, I barely realise it when they're there. However, I suggest that you really fix them when you get enough time, because other people may find it disturbing.
Soooo. Well bb. I can guarantee that this fiction is my favourite out of your wor--no wait. Lunacy is immortal. Oh my God. The dilemma! I can't decide between this one and Lunacy. Well, after all, they're completely different, so I can't force myself to choose, I can't, lol. But this fiction really was something, and you did a good job. If you're an incurable romantic like me, you can't not love this one. I love it, really. I repeat that you've improved a lot. That's what I think. Maybe it's thanks to practice?
Baby, I can't tell you how my heart still aches, and how sad this story made me. Which is not a negative thing, it means the story got to me. Amdee was right. Whoever told you this story is deep was right. You really, really, really did a good job.
Ohhh one last thing. Can you please explain to me this line? I think it comes from chapter five, but I might be wrong:
"He remembers fucking her, and many more, but they were just flings, people to keep his mind of off how much he wanted to fuck me."
To fuck...me? Haha, sorry, I can't help but lol. Sorry, really, I just found it extremely amusing. XD.
Thanks again BB!! And WELL DONE!
Author's Response: I remember telling myself I was going to reply to this once I had enough time to go through this ENTIRE REVIEW....and then I moved and started working an obscene amount of hours and had NO time for ANYTHING.
and i STILL have limited time, but I'm DETERMINED TO RESPOND. xD
but it's gonna be a short review cause my roommate just told me we have to get dressed so I can take her to work. *makes face*
ANYWAYS, I'm just happy that you liked this so much, and could find all of the layers that I tried so hard to put into it. (the reason I wrote Bill's daughter like that was because at that point in time, I was around children ALL THE TIME, and while to you it make seem unnatural for kids to be so...observant, I've helped raise at least 15 of my 18 nieces and nephews and they're ALL like that. it's a bit annoying having young children see things that adults don't, but it's because they're not as jaded, and are very observant of the people they're around, as well as the people they've just met. lol.). anyways, again, I am REALLY happy that you liked this, and that it could tug on your heartstrings so much. I had fun writing it (mostly because this fic is unlike anything I've ever written before and it was hard pushing myself to write things that hurt me as well, but I'm really happy with the final product. I'm glad you liked it. ^_^
Date: 03/19/10 08:17 pm Title: Chapter 1: Stare Into the Sun, To See My Face For Once
It won't be...entirely angst? But...but...but I wanted to read it! D:
Nah, I was kidding, of course. Hey, bb! I told you I was going to read this one, because you adviced me to; I said I was willing to cry over a story, I was craving to find a fiction that could break my heart and reduce me to tears, so here I am, I'm following your advice. I can't...exactly tell if this story was what I was looking for or not. I suspect that it almost is, it's very close. Though I can't exactly tell, it's only chapter one. I'm gonna review the other chapters tomorrow or on Sunday, most likely.
So. First of all...I'm sure I've already told you, I can't remember when, I can't remember where, I can't remember what for, but you really have improved. Last time I was following carefully your fics, well, it's not that they weren't gorgeous back then, but this story feels already so deep and so sad, all in all, rather different from what I would expect you to write...
But it's okay, obviously. Thank you for addressing me, because I'm sure I will enjoy this so much. I also appreciate the fact that it's Bill's wife, and not Tom's.
You really did a good job, following Tom's train of thoughts. Actually I can't choose between the twins, I don't know whether I should feel sorry for Bill or stay on Tom's side; we'll see. Honestly, I know that Tom is being selfish now, but hasn't Bill been selfish as well, when he chose a woman over his twin? That's the way I see it. Which is why I can't decide, lol. I love the fact that I can't, seriously. I can't wait to go on (but it's one in the morning over here).
Little details helped this story feel even more profound. I'm speaking about two things in particular, Bill quitting make up when he started dating her, and the hair tie (Tom's hair tie) that he's now using. Oh God. I was kind of going to cry. (L)
Basically, there are two things I don't understand. Call it criticism, call it whatever you like, but they're just minor issues.
One, is the change of your tense, it moves from past to present, and then from present to past and I don't know why. Have I missed something? If I haven't, you might wanna fix it when you have time. However, to be honest, when you're being overwhelmed by intense words, it's difficult to pay too much attention on grammar, so the tense change didn't feel disturbing at all. I was just being a precise bitch, lol.
The second thing is something that Simone says, I didn't quiet like it:
"He needs you Tom, not this selfish, self-important bastard that you've been since before we got here." - Now, I don't think that Simone could call him a 'bastard'. No, I don't think that any mother could call her son that. However, I understand that may happen. It's just that it was so harsh, and probably I felt sorry for Tom, and most likely I found it unfair. I don't, just ignore me about that.
The part I liked the best was the twins' dialogue. I'm a huge fan of dialogues, and I enjoyed it so much. Maybe it could've been longer, but I don't mind, I really, really liked it. I liked how Bill seems to be exasperated, and Tom doesn't expose himself too much yet...oh I love it.
Oh well. Then again, thanks for suggesting me to read this story, I appreciate your advice. (L)
I'm sure I will appreciate the story as well. (L)
Well, I'm already enjoying it, I can't wait to go on. :)
Well done, love (L)
Author's Response: LOLOL despite my early warnings, it totally turned out 4905784 times angstier than I expected LOL. It wasn't intentional, but my muses took me a different route. There are...small parts of 'fluff' I guess you can call it, but 99.9% of it is PURE ANGST. xD
But I'm glad that you too my advice and decided to read it and that you like it so far!
Er *blushes* I'm glad you can see the differences in my writing, I agree that this is better than my older stuff, it's the most emotional one I've ever written before, and the most descriptive, because I tried to focus strictly on Tom's feelings and dialogue (i PROMISE there's more dialogue to come xD)
I love that you like the little details, like Bill's lack of makeup and Tom's hair tye. that's how I seriously envision them in RL if something like this ever happened to them.
okay now for the tense changes, you haven't missed anything, i have a HORRIBLE habit of only writing is past tense, to writing in present tense was a challenge for me, and as it was my first time writing it in THIS type of fic, it changes from time to time, and I don't always pick it up when I'm writing. I have to run through the chapters again, once I have more time, but I fixed a few things in the previous chapters, stuff that stood out to me at least. xD
Ah, see, in my head, Simone is quite...frank with the twins. I think that mostly because of how franks the twins are with each other, and every one else they come in contact with. I feel like, if Tom was being a douche in RL, she'd sit him down and go 'stop being a douche' xD *shrugs* but that's personal preferences xD
but don't feel too bad for Tom -.- that's all I'm saying LOL.
And I'm glad you like the dialogue. I'm trying to get used to writing characters who are older than me, so it was fun and exhausting at the same time. ^_^
I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY happy that you like it, and I hope you like the rest ^_^
Date: 02/03/10 01:40 am Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
omg, wow, this just killed me! it was soo good and just perfect! i cried every chapter!
Author's Response: I'm glad that you thought so much of it. I was worried that it was too sad, but that's the way the plot defined itself, and I'm really just happy that you sat through it ^^
Date: 02/02/10 11:22 am Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
errr... okay I've been a sucky bitch to not have reviewed until now.. but I stopped reviewing stuff a bit ago, and I just felt like you deserve to hear from people who enjoyed this.. This was amazing.
and there kittymika finished her speech..
I miss you!! my msn is being a bitch and won't let me sign in.. soo.. yeah!!
Author's Response: Lol, that's alright love. I'm just EXTREMELY happy that you liked it and that you thought it was amazing. This is truly one of my favorite stories I've ever written in like..my life.
Date: 02/02/10 09:18 am Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
Aww... I'm... I mean.... Emm.. I really don't know, how to feel. It's like having all the hope and beauty, but yet it hurts like hell. You ended this fic a very talented way. It would have been easy to write them happily together, but no, you made them struggle and you keep them struggling and it fucking breaks my heart, but all I can do is to love this, you know? I think that Love again had probably the best characterizing and chartacter developing of your fics ever. You created very sensitive, complicated, realistic and painful interaction. This was like taking these emotions so slowly that it was almost impossible to see, but still so powerful, so overwhelming. Every word meant something. Very, very talented job!
I feel like crying, I don't know why. I've had terrible last few days and I've been swimming in so deep waters that all the emotions here affected me greatly. I loved all the characters and I'm happy you wrote G's here too, but most of all I could relate to Tom. I felt his pain so real. And the forgiveness, the difficulty to forgive and be forgiven. Anything can be fixed, right? At the same time comforting and devastating end.... How was I supposed to feel of that?
So yes, I don't know how to feel, because this was comforting, soothing end, but still so freaking painful chapter to read that my heart aches. And you know it's a good thing!
I loved this fic, because it was so painful. You know how to make my heart break. I know, this was supposed to be happy, but there is this melancholy we've been talking about. And all I can wish is that everything can be fixed and forgiven. I hope they can do that.
Thank you for writing this! It was worth of every second I speant reading this.
.. And now I need a hug! :D
Author's Response: *smiles* you made me blush SO MUCH with this review, so much to the point where I couldn't respond to it, because I literally just sat here going awwwwwwwww and reading it out to everyne that I know. xD
this was one of my more serious ones. the more in depth ones, and I'm SO FRIGGEN HAPPY that you read it and enjoyed it (even though it made you cry) because that meant that you got it. you got the message I was trying to portray and in the end it means that you got me. So thank you SO MUCH for reading this and for loving it. *hugs you*
Date: 02/01/10 11:22 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
This was lovely. I like that they weren't necessarily lovers at the end but just that there was a chance. And Tom had changed so much. Great story, love! :D
Author's Response: *smiles* I thank you for taking a chance with this and reading it. It was one of my most difficult stories and definitely one of my favorite ones to write, because I had to work so much into such a short amount of words. And I'm happy that you liked the ending, I angsted about what others would like as an ending, and then I realizes that my characters would make their own endings, the same way they chose their own beginning. ^_^ thanks for reading love.
Date: 02/01/10 06:44 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
*claps*
Bravo, Tom. You pushed a bit there, but Bill said the right thing. Time is on your side though and if you're patient enough, your Bill will come back to you the way you want, but you need to learn to love this new Bill, because while he wasn't a part of you before, he's definitely a part that you need to know again as he evolved. He loved deeply and was loved in return and now, just when he's a little broken again, only you can piece him back together again.
Patience, Tom and lots of love and understanding.
Plus, you have a beautiful niece that loves you dearly that you need to spoil rotten!
I'm glad you guys got to this point.
I hope you're both at peace now, reunited again.
Together, for as long as you both shall live.
I love you both!
And bb, this was such a beautiful and heartbreaking story. I wanted to hug Bill so bad many times, but I know you left him in good hands, because Tom finally learned the lesson he needed to learn and he's all the better now for it.
Thank YOU for writing this and ever since you first sent me the song, I've been listening to it since.
Author's Response: *grins* I'm really happy that you loved this bb. that you could connect with the plot and the stories so well because this was one of my stories that was SERIOUSLY drawn out to the best of my abilities, emotionally wise. I'm so thankful that you stuck by the story and my characters and most of all by me ^_^
Date: 02/01/10 05:02 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
awww it's finish ? really ? I wanna know what happen after that ! But I guess it's ok to leave it open, that way we all can imagine our perfect ending... Thank you for this story, it was sad but beautiful.
Author's Response: ah yea, it is. I was thinking of a sequel, but I like NEVER finish things as it is, LOL, so maybe one day when I haven't got like 20 unfinished fics xD
Date: 02/01/10 04:09 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
I don't know wha to say. It was a beautiful story, but short, too short. I could have been happier his more chaps... Ok I'm happy now with the ending. It's just amazing how pardon and love could amend deep damage.
Oh I know what to say now: Thank you for writing it! I really enjoyed it.
Hugs!!
Author's Response: I'm sorry that you don't agree with the chapter length. Tbh, the story was intended to be shorter, but I extended it a bit. I, as the author, am rather happy with the short length of the story. It was meant to be short, extremely brief, mostly because I wanted to introduce the short feelings of constriction Tom has whenever he freaks out, and the end it with the sense of relief he gets at the end. Elongating the story would have made the story much like any other story with this type of plotline: too long, and to over-wraught with angst.
Anyways, I'm still happy that you liked it, despite the shortness. This was definitely a favorite for me to write.
Date: 02/01/10 03:35 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
I think it's so amazing what unconditional love can do and how it can affect ones life. I think it will take time to mend this issue but I'm glad they will continue to work towards that goal. I really hope that they can.
Author's Response: I agree with you 100%. I think that it helped them to move, emotionally, to a better place, and like Bill said, they don't know if everything will work out how Tom wants, but at least they have each other. ^_^
Date: 02/01/10 03:27 pm Title: Chapter 6: Love Again
*__*
Author's Response: <33333
Date: 01/28/10 12:02 am Title: Chapter 5: And one day you will, you will love again.
Yes, I know I told you on twitter, but, you're cruel you know? This is such a beautiful story and you are finishing it too quickly.
So, while I still have time, I want to thank you for writing it.
Hugs!
Author's Response: lolol you told me, and I'm certain I giggled. xD But no, really, it was always meant to be short. I could have possibly drawn it out, but then it would have never been finished, because I take FOREVER to finish my fics.
Date: 01/26/10 09:38 am Title: Chapter 5: And one day you will, you will love again.
awww that was so sad! I feel bad for both of them, cant wait for the last chapter !
Author's Response: awww, I'm sorry it's so sad. but it gets better, kinda.
Date: 01/25/10 09:09 pm Title: Chapter 5: And one day you will, you will love again.
Finally they got some of this out. The big points for Bill at least. Feeling bad for Tom but he needed to know and what he did was truly bad and unthinkable if you love someone as much as he claimed he loved Bill. I'm not sure the they couldn't have worked things out sooner like Katie said but sometimes you have to learn the hard way I guess.
Author's Response: Mhmmm. They have, and they're going to continue working on it, because, that's what they need to do. *nodnod* and, you know, Tom...he was screwed up, hell he fucked up, but human's make mistakes. I'm sure Tom's fucked up with Bill in RL, but I'm also certain that they've worked out whatever it was that happened. It's what you do.
Date: 01/25/10 08:28 pm Title: Chapter 5: And one day you will, you will love again.
This is so heartbreakingly sad, but hopeful at the same time. I feel it all with them. And I'm excited to meet the G's! =)
Author's Response: awwww, I'm glad it's all of that. this was a different kind of angst for me to write, and I enjoyed pouring my soul into each and every word of this. And YAY be excited. They're insane.
Date: 01/25/10 07:38 pm Title: Chapter 5: And one day you will, you will love again.
I knew when they broke, they'd really break. Wonderful chapter. :D
Author's Response: *nodnod* you were right. but thanks for thinking it was wonderful ^_^
Date: 01/25/10 07:04 pm Title: Chapter 5: And one day you will, you will love again.
god, tom is such an ass. he is so lucky bill is forgiving him. i'm sad there is only one more chapter though.
Author's Response: lol, he is, he's always an ass in my stories xD. and awww, i'm sad too, but it was always meant to be short ;_;