Date: 04/24/10 10:16 pm Title: Chapter 1
The pace was so rushed it hardly left any time to enjoy what was happening. It was very, "He made the sandwich. And took a bite. It didn't have enough mustard, so he added some and then finished it. He threw away the paper plate and drank his milk."
Plain.
I really wish it would have been more decorated, descriptive. And I wish that you would have checked the grammar. It was good but it could've been a lot better. Good luck with your writing :D
Date: 08/18/09 08:49 pm Title: Chapter 1
I felt so bad for the boys! after all that? It was good though. :)
Date: 08/17/09 06:36 am Title: Chapter 1
...He never died, because he was Bill’s twin, but the others on the bus weren’t so sure that they would be safe... - lucky for tom then?
.... I think Tom saw some pretty girls he wants to take with him in the public... - gustav the hero!
...Keep telling yourself that... - can i cremate that interviewer?!! the nerve!
...Bill thought he was going to die... - *sigh* very, very, bad day huh?
...Don’t you dare to do anything to me!... - poor tom! yeah, bushido's right, he could have fooled anyone
Date: 08/16/09 11:37 am Title: Chapter 1
An intriguing idea for a story and very original; not something I would have expected to come from the challenge entries. Overall the fic was good and the plot was well written – I would suggest getting an explanation of the title or at least a hinting towards it earlier in the piece. Personally I’ve heard the expression but there are a lot of people who just wouldn’t get it.
Also the final line seemed to change the direction of the story completely. They hadn’t even been threatened with the loss of their pants so Bill’s reaction seemed a little odd.
Overall it was really good to read and an interesting take on their “bad day” – I hope you do write more stories like this after the challenge because as far as fanfic goes it was a good one. =]
Date: 08/13/09 11:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
I thought it was called Murphy's Law? Whatever can go wrong WILL go wrong.
Anyway, the idea was good. Everything was going horribly wrong, and I liked it. Not in a sadistic way, but just the thought that they can ave truly crappy days too.
Date: 08/13/09 09:25 pm Title: Chapter 1
hmmm...interesting to say the least...
Date: 08/13/09 06:42 pm Title: Chapter 1
I think you had a neat idea here, but it might have helped if you included what Finagle's law was in the fic when Bill explains it, as well as the summary? Just for people not so familiar with it. That said there were lots of little things I liked - Bill being straight and Tom bi, for instance. It was nice to see Bushido included, too, and the moment with Tom was cute. Nicely done!