This is pretty good for a first, fanfiction. I’m doubly impressed as I'm not so much of a fantastic author myself and I’ve been trying for years, you seem to have got a lot of technique down pretty quickly.
The problem most people have is not taking a breath. You can pause the writing, people won't kill you if you add a little bit of description, maybe how bill and your original character got together as a couple,
Also personal peeve of mine (though you're not doing this too much even so) is writing full sentences in Caps. It's rarely needed, that's what exclamation marks are for! Then again this is only my personal opinion.
But as I said a great start your structure is continuous and your grammar and spelling are absolutely fine, which is more than can be said for me a lot of the time!
Hoping to see more from you soon. I shall stop there as this is already far too long.
(Does that earn me a new chapter? ;p)

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for the awesome review. I really appriceate it! =) And as for your last question... Yes, that does earn you a new chapter =), I have been working on it for a while, and hopefully it will be up by the end of the weekend! =D ... and again, thank you so much ! rnrn-Nicole

I like it! ^_^ You should write more, you're good! ;) I wanna know what's gonna happen in your story!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review =) .. I'm so glad you liked it

I loved it I hope you update it soon. Can't wait for he next one.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, and I'm so glad you liked it. As of now, I have a severe case of writers block, but I'm getting through it alright. I don't think the next chapter will be as good as the first, but I hope you like it as well! =)