Date: 08/05/09 01:46 pm Title: Dessert
Hey,
i like the story so far, actually i only saw bill in the role of the victim, sweet and innocent bill, but he fits the bad mysterious guy perfectly.
usually i only read het fics in german because they sound sort of weird in english, i dunno why, but yours is really good.
oh and btw in chapter one where he says "Danke, liebe!" you should rather use "Danke, Süße!" or "Danke, Liebes!" liebe does not exist as a pet name.
oh yeah and when he says bath instaead of bathroom, there's another mistake people often make: in german the restrooms are called "Toiletten" and people often use "toilets" in english because the word sounds alike.
and last but not least: bill's english is perfect for a german ;)
Greetings from good old germany!
XxSummerSunSetxX
Date: 08/05/09 03:18 am Title: Dessert
I'll admit of course I was put off by the het warning because I'm a definate slash reader, but this intrigued me nonetheless, and I do so adore a powerful dominate Bill, especially when it seems he has some kind of sick pull over Tom. We always get to see Bill as the sickly sweet gorgeous boy that I'm sure he is, but it's always a pleasure to see this side of him. And since this isn't a sweet love story between a boy and a girl, I'm going to read it and so far I like it, Great job!
Date: 08/05/09 02:21 am Title: Dessert
the sex was kind of sudden.
slash writers keep complaining about how het writers can't do this and can't do that or how all OFCs are Mary sued, but it's also pretty hard to write a good het story.
so for two slash writers, you guys did a pretty good job!
congrats.
Date: 08/05/09 01:59 am Title: Genesis
Haha bill sounds like some crazy church person in the airplane I really like this story update soon :)
Date: 08/04/09 04:45 pm Title: Genesis
OMG! I'm not one for HET but yhuu just completely put meh into it. I absolutely love this, it's so intense and A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Yhuu's have to update this soon xoX
Date: 08/04/09 04:20 pm Title: Genesis
*goes off to memorize things* I have a long flight to Spain in a month, and you've just given me a LOT of entertainment ideas XD
At first I was (of course) Ewwww Het XD But...she's obviously too stupid (at this point) to much of a threat to my Tom/Bill mind, so she's okay XD
Date: 08/04/09 04:12 pm Title: Genesis
T.T.... It really too a day with a nice sleep from the start. This was good. This actually kept my attention and i dont know why. Great job and update soon.
Date: 08/04/09 02:55 pm Title: Genesis
wow... that deff put a smile on my face. for 2 slash writers, you can sure write a good het. but i see you had to have your slash too. tsk tsk. lmao. Bust very good job ladies, very good. I cant wait for the next chapters ^^
Date: 08/04/09 04:54 am Title: Genesis
*is nauseous* gonna puke, gonna puke, gonna puke... *rushes of to the bathroom--retching is heard* *comes back* I'm okay... *shudders* ugh, het...
I love sadistic!Bill...
and you know what I was thinking almost the entire time ...
"GET TO THE FUCKING TORTURE ALREADY"...
cuz i like that kind of thing.
so...
update?
Author's Response: LOL, you don't even KNOW how many times I said that to Izzy while writing this. XD That's all that kept me going, lol.
Date: 08/04/09 03:08 am Title: Genesis
i made it and im intruigued
Date: 08/04/09 02:02 am Title: Genesis
so, i'm here to review and whatnot.
hmmm. where to start. well umm.
*claps* good job at trying to write a het. it's something most slash authors wouldn't even attempt to do.
now to the actual review.
So, you guys know that I have no problem with length *stares at Liar and shakes head* however, I feel like this should've been split into chapters. It feel rushed and contrived and yet the chapter almost feels draggy. Like, I have a feeling if i didn't know you two so well (and if my internet hadn't died and left me with nothing else to read) I wouldn't have been able to finish without stopping a couple of times to give myself a break. and again, i emphasize that I love long chapters. I just felt like it dragged.
I think my other issue with the style was the fact that it was painfully obvious where one author came in and where the other author left. It was like I was reading a completely different chapter each time you guys made the switch, and it bothered me because it interrupted the natural flow of the story. (if you guys want examples, I'd be perfectly content in finding them), also, this goes to Izzy, since Misa says you wrote the first paragraph...It was atrocious in the sense that it clashed horribly with the rest of the story (reminded me of the beginning of AUL, BUT here it's not needed at all, whereas in AUL the beginning gave us a basis to work on)
now, to the actual story. you guys know i'm not a fan of het, so PLEASE don't get mad at me for being already biased. I tried my hardest to come into this without any biased thoughts, and as I read futher, I felt like rather than do the whole mary sue issue, you just made everyone (like Misa said) have MPD and it made me lose interest in everyone but the characters that didn't matter. Like, I was more interested in Grace's mum than Grace's obvious MPD (*eyeroll*) and Bill's sadistic bastard nature. Hell, I wasn't even interested in his relationship with Tom or what he was planning for Grace, which is sad because I should WANT for her to die. *is a death lover*
anyways, I feel bad for filling this review with my ramblings and horrible opinions, but I wanted to leave you guys with my full thoughts on it so that in the next chapter, you guys can adjust or just think about the things I spoke about.
ah. i wrote too much. i think it's off to bed for me. night ladies.
Date: 08/04/09 01:57 am Title: Genesis
Can I just state the only reason I'm reading this is because I know your incredible authors, and I love mean!Bill. Because the HET is making me twitch. Very fun beginning though. I'm surprised to say, I definitely looking forward to more. You're slashy undertones will get me by.