Date: 08/14/09 11:11 am Title: Chapter 4
I love this story even more every time you post a new chapter ö
It's... Well I dunno how to describe it; it's so unusual and fantastic! I haven't read a story like this one before and I love it. I really do :D
Date: 08/13/09 01:49 am Title: Chapter 4
I'm getting pretty nervous about the whole trial stuff!
Oh my.
I really liked the atmosphere you created in this chapter and the scenery's description.
Keep writing, please!
Date: 08/12/09 07:17 pm Title: Chapter 4
sheesh, we need more! lol this barely gave us anything XD
Date: 08/12/09 02:51 pm Title: Chapter 4
Yup, a long time. Still it was worth reading it. Keep it coming. And I see you got yourself a banner :D
Date: 07/24/09 04:36 pm Title: Chapter 3
this is interesting. I love the direction this is taking and the description of the narrator, not directly but through her words and actions.
Author's Response: Thank you ^^
Date: 07/24/09 09:47 am Title: Chapter 3
Aww it's cute! ^^ The picture of Bill dancing on the bed will be on my mind for ages now haha xD
Oh, you write so well. I think the way the story is told shows our narrators personality and it really fits my personal idea of her (:
Author's Response: Thank you, that's really nice to hear :) Must say that my beta helps me a lot (thanks viv)rnWhen I was writing about Bill on the bed I really wanted it to be so silly it would be cute, apparently, it worked :D
Date: 07/24/09 03:36 am Title: Chapter 3
Hi!
It's really interesting to get to know the twins from a third person's point of view.
Wanna read what's next!
Author's Response: Thank you for the reviews ^^
Date: 07/23/09 11:08 pm Title: Chapter 3
haha for a moment it seemed that he was starting to like tom XD
Author's Response: Nice twist huh, luckily, she's not, would just give her trouble :P
Date: 07/23/09 02:10 pm Title: Chapter 1
A really interesting idea. Normally, a story from a first person pov doesn't really work or sounds a little silly, but on this particular story, it does work - like we're all seeing it through her eyes, being silent bystanders. Very well done for your first fic :)
Author's Response: Thank you ^^ Must say that my beta gives me really good advise. Thanks for reading :D
Date: 07/20/09 05:36 pm Title: Chapter 2
This story sounds very interesting! ^_^
I actually really like your way of writing - and you way of explaining how Bronka sees the twins. Keep it up! :D
Author's Response: Thank you ^^
Date: 07/18/09 10:18 pm Title: Chapter 2
haha the bra thing, did that acutally happen or did you make it up? XD
Author's Response: I made it up. Though I still believe it could easily happen, because people keep throwing stuff at them at concerts XD.
Date: 07/18/09 10:31 am Title: Chapter 1
Very nice chapter ^.^ I know I've read it a few times at this point, but still. Good job and I'll be waiting for chapter 3.
Date: 07/18/09 06:57 am Title: Chapter 2
WOW. That's all I can say. Like...this story is so original, and it's your first, you say? Well, this is receiving so much less response than deserved. Maybe get a banner to call for attention, because this story is good, I tell you, and I know what I'm talking about. Also, when you insert HTML, you don't use [ ], but those brackets that are like V but lopsided. < >
Author's Response: Thank you ^^ THis is indeed my first story. I am glad that I now have a beta reader, 'cause English is not my native language (I'm Dutch), atleast those mistakes are out :P I'm not used to the HTML with the other brackets thingies, but nice to say though, didn't notice it myself yet (I'm such a lousy writer o.0) Anyways, thanks a lot for your review, hope to read more of them, haha! And I will see what I can do about that banner, thanks for the tip!
Date: 07/12/09 02:16 am Title: Chapter 1
Hey!
What an interesting plot!
Looking forward to read what's next.
Date: 07/11/09 11:47 pm Title: Chapter 1
Let me start by saying that this is a really interesting concept. We see Bill and Tom's relationship from within a lot; sometimes we see it from a loved one's perspective. But you have set up an opportunity to see the relationship from a completely different source which is very interesting.
Bronka's character is a little curious though. For an angel she seems remarkably... human. Maybe because she spends the majority of her time watching and protecting humans she's a little different from the other angels who don't have as much to do with living human. But even so, she seems to speak a little too typically for a higher being, if you know what I mean. Someone who's lived so long and seen so many things probably wouldn't speak like an American teenager. I do like her inner turmoil regarding the twins though. It makes sense that she wouldn't know what to do or decide. She's spent so much time watching them and finding out about their hearts and souls that she'd know they deserved to be happy in the afterlife. But incest (excuse me, twincest) is a really big deal. It sets the need for a trial up nicely.
That being said, you really ought to find a beta. There are a couple of mistakes that could be easily fixed and also a few stylistic things to consider. For example, I don't think you should capitalize 'The Beginning' and 'beginning of Time'. I understand that we're talking about THE beginning here but it does cause a little bit of a mental stumble.
I like to give specific examples of why things do or do not work, so I hope this wasn't too long of a review for you. This is a nice start, especially since it's your first one, and I would like to see you continue.
Author's Response: *falls on knees* Thank you !rnNo seriously, I really appreciate the fact that you point out everything ^^ I will try to work on the things you said.rnBefore I posted the chapter I was looking for beta's, but didn't get a response and just couldn't stop myself from posting. rnI understand what you mean about Bronka, and I think your right, I'll see what I can do about that. rnT^hanks ^^
Date: 07/11/09 11:40 pm Title: Chapter 1
omg :D this sounds so good :D