Date: 10/22/24 02:03 am Title: Introduction
It's a wonderful story, but I like it
Date: 10/05/13 10:48 pm Title: Epilogue
So I finally finished this story! :) It was a really good read, and very entertaining! I didn't like how Bill changed, I mean - not the looks, but the attitude! He knew how much it had hurt him, still he did it back! But I guess I can understand the way he acted, because he was so desperate to be loved! He was a little foolish though, thinking that being popular was the answer. I think it's better to have at least ONE true friend instead of 1,000 fake friends! But I guess this worked as a wake-up call for Bill - never change the way you are, be yourself no matter what - you will eventually find someone who accepts you! I remember a time where I wanted to be popular, accepted, wanted but I never did anything about it, cause I knew that I didn't want to change who I am, and I couldn't afford all those expensive clothes, so I stayed the way I am. I got a group of friends later on, and they were amazing and I liked them, I didn't have to be popular, I realized that being friends with those amazing people was enough! But I do understand Bill though, desperate people do desperate things, but I'm glad he finally decided to be true to himself and change back! And I'm glad that the other ones accepted him. I guess it depends on WHERE you live. Some people won't accept you no matter what, and some people will! :) I liked this story, a lot! I really did! it was entertaining, funny and well... I sometimes didn't like Bill. But that's what stories are for, right? To draw the reader in, to make the reader angry, pissed, sad, upset, happy, surprised, laughing etc. So this was a good and creative story! :):) I really liked it, it's a shame I didn't read it sooner.
Date: 10/05/13 10:37 pm Title: Lesson 6
Awwh, poor Tom!
Date: 10/05/13 10:30 pm Title: Lesson 5 [Part 2]
Hahahaha :D oh, this is so funny! :D
Date: 10/05/13 10:27 pm Title: Lesson 5 [Part 1]
Ahh, Bill, Bill, Bill! I love this though! ;) ;) It makes me laugh! :D :D And not in a bad way! ^^
Date: 10/05/13 10:20 pm Title: Lesson 4
Oh, wow! Bill's really changed! I don't know if I like him yet! He knew how much it hurts, being mocked in class, yet he's doing it to Tom! He can be popular without being a total shit, you know?! I don't mean to be rude, I still LOVE this and I'm curious to see where this is heading, you're doing a great job. :)
Date: 10/05/13 10:12 pm Title: Lesson 3
Haha, aww, Bill turned a little arrogant, but I LOVE it!
Date: 10/05/13 10:09 pm Title: Lesson 2
Awww, that was sooo mean what Jack did! I've never seen "never been kissed" before, but I've wanted to do it for a loooong time, maybe I'll do it soon!
Date: 10/05/13 10:06 pm Title: Lesson 1
Awwh, Tom was being a jerk to Bill, naaw! Poor, poor Bill!
Date: 10/05/13 09:58 pm Title: Introduction
Oh, this sounds promising! :)
Date: 09/04/12 11:33 pm Title: Epilogue
SO AMAZING! But I love the idea of flamboyently gay georg and Gustav dancing to pussycat dolls xD
Date: 09/04/12 11:30 pm Title: Lesson 7
ohfpqirwehgpiwhgpiqwh OMG!! YAY!!
Date: 04/28/10 01:37 pm Title: Epilogue
aww great story!
i loved it!=]
sequel please....maybe of the G's trying to get popular?
Date: 04/14/10 11:14 pm Title: Lesson 3
Woohoo yeah bill he is cool!
Date: 01/15/10 05:56 pm Title: Lesson 5 [Part 1]
There's a little hint of Bill's old personnality.
Date: 01/15/10 05:48 pm Title: Lesson 4
I so don't like Bill when is like that. It's not him, i hope he will wake up.
Date: 09/13/09 02:59 pm Title: Lesson 3
Bill!! What have you done??? It's not you!!!
Date: 09/13/09 02:49 pm Title: Lesson 2
I knew it!! People are so immature!! No, Bill dont't change a hair of you!!1
Date: 09/13/09 02:41 pm Title: Lesson 1
If it's a stupid joke to humiliate him, it's pretty mean. Tom, you're better to not be behind that!!!
Date: 08/11/09 04:19 pm Title: Epilogue
Ok I was mean. I swore at you *shifty eyes* sorry about that…but your story drove me nuts.
There were good bits but as a whole your story needs work. The storyline was iffy, the characters were flat, the realistic sense of your story flew out the window almost immediately and I couldn’t take it seriously at all. It was over the top and no in the good way and after a while it just go annoying. And some of the dialogue was horrible and some was just fine. The fact that everyone just went for t*cest like it was really a good idea was maddening! That Bill was all worked up over dressing emo and not freaked out about making out with his brother in front of what 3000+ people was so ridiculous!
The key is here that I finished it, I don’t finish stories that are totally awful so it has some redeeming points. Your bitchy Bill was good. The idea behind the story was interesting. I like that it was driven by chapters of a book. The idea behind the theme ie change yourself to be better is classic and won’t go out of style.
Ok so the point is that your writing needs some love and help.
You need a beta to catch the many errors I saw with typing and grammar.
Your dialogue needs some revamping…ie it needs to sound more mature.
Go with crack or realistic people go for either you can’t mix the two very well. Crack/humor is really hard to get right; it is really easy to fuck up! If you go with realistic which I recommend make things happen as if they were real. If they have wings explain why they have wings, if he is going to change make it more of a laborious process. IE he has to practice and he fucks it up, we get to hear him think ok before I would have done this now I need to do this.
Details are key both in plot and in action. The fact is that you mostly got this right. If you didn’t I would have stopped! I really hate gaps in plot and thought process. But it’s easy to forget this bit so keep it up think about what we as readers need to know and make sure you keep telling us!