Date: 06/07/09 10:39 am Title: Chapter 1
...He could teach children of all ages, and he had a degree in almost everything... - wuhuuu, sign me up for Tom's classes, bitte????
...I decided to give it to you, little girl or not... - aaaaawwwww so cute. i had a ragdoll once, coz im not really a barbie doll type, you know? all plastic, no cuddles
...He is not dead, just merely asleep... - owh, thats just heartbreaking. poor, poor baby Bill
*i don't think ur fic is odd. its really good! i mean yeah people dont actually hang around waiting for spirits to pop out in classrooms, but if Tom didnt have the guts then Bill would never rest in peace... so sweet! *meltssss
Date: 06/07/09 01:17 am Title: Chapter 1
I had a feeling the little boy was Bill. The black hair gives him away every time. ;)
Date: 06/05/09 05:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
Nice, different.. But I think Tom could use more character, he's a bit of an empty shell. Still like the story though.
Date: 06/03/09 04:56 pm Title: Chapter 1
It was kind of odd, but also really lovely in its own way. Really nicely done, and lovely that there was that coincidence drawing Tom there, like fate.
Date: 06/03/09 11:22 am Title: Chapter 1
It's an interesting idea but a little ‘convenient’ the way things worked out. What I mean to say is that you can have the ghost and the rag doll but the fact that Tom’s grandmother just happened to have it give the story no complexity. It makes it too easy to solve and get a perfect happy ending. The best stories are ones where the main characters have to solve the problem with a difficult to find solution, not one they can pull out of their hat.
Date: 06/03/09 09:01 am Title: Chapter 1
This read like something out of one of those books about real life ghost stories. I liked how you kept it simple, yet there was enough to keep me reading.
Date: 06/01/09 05:58 pm Title: Chapter 1
It's a good story but I think if it was longer (maybe a few chapters) it could have been way better. But since you wrote it for the challenge I understand that that was impossible to do. I think it has great potential but it moved so fast that I couldn't feel any fear or get any chills by it. I loved the idea though.
Good luck in the challenge!
Date: 05/30/09 06:40 am Title: Chapter 1
So I decided to read this... well, I don't know why. I just had the urge to give it a chance. Maybe because it takes place in good ole West Virginny.
In the beginning, I was a bit thrown off by the whole 'Tom can do everything!' bit, but then I decided that this is a one-shot and I should give you the benefit of the doubt because really, there's no space to flesh much of anything out in a one-shot. You hooked me with 'podunk' though, teehee. I can't even say why, I just thought, 'YES this is worth reading. Podunk.'
It's fun to say. Podunk... anywho.
Major points for Tom being a painter. I can really see that. At this point, with Tom teaching and painting and having this perfect life, I'm getting a rather surreal feeling, like all is not what it seems. Oh, that confounded West Virginia and it's secrets....
For criticism, I think paragraphs could be longer, although that would be as simple as merely combining them. It's not that there isn't enough there, you just have it all spaced out. For example, from Two weeks later... to ...been more elated. could all be combined in one paragraph, and it would be a more fluid read for the reader. Also, one little word choice that's nagging at me, you used the word 'old-time-y,' and although I'm usually all for inventing words, not particularly in that way. I'm sure there's a better way to say it. Like, if Tom's so genius, then I'm sure it wouldn't be misplaced for him to perceive the boy as wearing early twentieth century garb.
He was looking for a certain ragdoll that he'd had since he was little
Really an interesting twist, I didn't see that coming. Perhaps the little boy knows that Tom has his doll [if it is the same doll]?
Reading on, with Tom's grandmother's story, I bet the kid died in the river and she took his rag doll, and now he wants it back. Perhaps? I'll read on.
Well, one day while he was walking his normal route from school at the river, which was his favorite place to let his mind roam, the tide caught him and he drowned. His little rag doll was never found, and he was buried without it.
Well, I was right. Hurray for Tom having the moxie to give Bill back his doll. I like how, when he approached ghost!Bill, he wasn't completely calm nor completely scared out of his wits. He obviously saw that the ghost boy was harmless, but he was still creeped out on account of the boy being a ghost, regardless. More realistic and, I feel, true to Tom's character.
Then, Tom noticed that it wasn't litter around the little boy, Bill's headstone, it was Tom's Grandma Libby's rag doll and the old battered school text book.
Perfect ending, I applaud you.
Date: 05/30/09 01:03 am Title: Chapter 1
oh, wow... chilllllls!! I loved that, thank you :)
Date: 05/29/09 12:21 am Title: Chapter 1
What a good, classic ghost story. Nicely done. :)
