Date: 06/06/09 01:28 pm Title: Chapter 1
...Nobody would have thought she would commit suicide... - stupid girl, there's so much more to live for
...He was still able to love and would be loved in return... - thank heavens for Bill..!! sweet, sweet angel ^__^
Date: 06/05/09 10:34 pm Title: Chapter 1
That's right, Tom. As long as you have Bill, you can make it through anything. :)
Good luck!
Date: 06/04/09 05:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
Very sad idea, but good on you for trying the challenge even when busy!
Date: 05/31/09 07:47 pm Title: Chapter 1
The feeling I got from reading this was that you rushed the whole thing too much. I believe that if you thought about it a bit more it could have been better. But the way it's written now, Tom's reaction is unrealistic. I don't think he would ever jump for the girl. He broke up with her. Even if she killed herself he would have felt guilty but that's about it. And in the end his feelings change too fast. Besides that, I think you should have worked more on your ofc. The reader should be able to relate (at least to a certain point) with the main characters but it's so difficult to understand this girl let alone feel sorry for her.
I don't want you to think I'm being a bitch. I'm just offering constructive criticism.
Good luck with your exams and the challenge as well!
Date: 05/29/09 08:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
Aw, it was a bit sad. Although, I am a bit disappointed. I think it moved a little too fast and I was confused about what the ofc was feeling. And, realistically, would Tom really jump for her if he broke up with her? Unless he loved her so much, as it seemed in the beginning, that he would break up with her for her happiness. I am guessing that is most likely. And, at the end, when Tom hears his brother's voice...is it in his head at the realization that he was going to commit a mistake? I'm just guessing again. I think you could have put a little more time and effort into this, I know you said you had exams to study for, and with that being said, and I don't want to sound rude, or mean, or anything, but maybe you should have just studied for the exams? I'm sure it was exciting, seeing as this was the first challenge, but the second one would have been just as exciting.
Anyways, good luck:)
Date: 05/28/09 12:36 am Title: Chapter 1
It moves too fast. It's more like an out line then a story. I'm more irritated by this girl then feeling sorry for her. Plus we have no good reason to like her because the only details we have about how fantastic she is, is that she's "fantastic". I wouldn't jump for this girl! Tom wouldn't either. - sorry I got mean there but I was honest and reasonably polite.
Date: 05/27/09 12:11 pm Title: Chapter 1
Melancholu, but pretty in its simplicity.
Date: 05/27/09 11:02 am Title: Chapter 1
oh my god that was so emotional! i loved it!!!!
fern xx