Date: 04/15/10 07:53 am Title: Chapter 1
Ahw, that was just beautiful! :')
Date: 07/04/09 07:40 pm Title: Chapter 1
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Date: 06/05/09 10:00 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is a classic first time twincest story. Despite that, I did like the image of Tom bundled up and crying with Bill all wrapped around him.
Good luck with the challenge.
Date: 06/05/09 06:30 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is adorable and very fluffy, but potentially a little too fast paced - it's not convincing that Tom could go from that upset to totally okay in such a brief move, so maybe go into more detail in future? Managing to consistently capitalise Bill's and Tom's names would also help a lot. It was, however, still a really sweet idea and it's great you finally got around to submitting a story here!
Date: 06/05/09 01:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
...Bill just looked at him with his eyebrow raised so high you couldn’t tell where it ended and where his hairline started... - ah yes, Bill's signature look ^__^
...So let’s make the best out of this while we can... - this is probably the most innocent slash i have ever read. but its way cute so congrats to u on your first ^__^
Date: 06/02/09 09:05 pm Title: Chapter 1
Good song to pair this with. Nice first try. Remember to capitalize names, bitte. My biggest complaint with it was that the transition between the taboo and being ok with it seemed a little quick to the goal. For me it’s important to get honest solid reactions out of character. But honestly it was a good first try.
Date: 06/01/09 10:30 pm Title: Chapter 1
Aww. That was cute. I very much liked
Date: 05/31/09 05:24 pm Title: Chapter 1
Cute but it seemed a bit rushed. I mean Tom's feelings changed too fast. You could have included more details. I also noticed some mistakes but nothing that a beta can't fix.
For a first try it's good.
Good luck in the challenge!
Date: 05/31/09 10:18 am Title: Chapter 1
nice try for first twincest... however, there are some puncuation errors, like the fact that the names should always be capitalized. also, in a songfic, it's best to italicize the lyrics of the song, so the reader knows which words are the stories and which words are lyrics to the song. that being said, nice work!
Date: 05/30/09 11:14 am Title: Chapter 1
i don't usually read slash but i think you've just converted me
you are an amazing writer and should defiantly keep uploading
xx
Date: 05/29/09 05:13 pm Title: Chapter 1
Aw, see, Tom didn't have to worry! It was a little bit rushed, but that's understandable. Was that really your first time submitting to the site? Well, that was really good. I guess all that's left to say, for me, is that maybe you might want to get a beta for future stories, there were minor mistakes, but nothing terrible. Other than that, amazing. :D Good luck in the challenge!
Date: 05/28/09 07:25 pm Title: Chapter 1
SOOOOO awesome. Loved it....
Date: 05/28/09 03:47 pm Title: Chapter 1
I liked this so much. One of my favorite stories!
Date: 05/28/09 03:47 pm Title: Chapter 1
I liked this so much. One of my favorite stories!
Date: 05/28/09 12:45 pm Title: Chapter 1
It was cute and fluffy and I loved it XD but I felt it could have been drawn out more. But yay for you anyways, I loved it :]
Date: 05/28/09 06:25 am Title: Chapter 1
This was cute, and the song accenting it was great... I just kind of wish there was more, and you described things more, but other than that it was fantastic.:).
Date: 05/27/09 06:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
Awww that so cute
alittle cliche but cute
Date: 05/27/09 05:56 pm Title: Chapter 1
this was pretty good.
just one little tip: you might want to look over your writing a couple more times before you post it.
i found a couple times where some proper names started with lowercase letters, and some punctuation was a bit wrong.
but other then that, good job. :)
Date: 05/27/09 04:32 pm Title: Chapter 1
cute, but Tom's emotions changed a little fast, should have drwan it out more but I liked it XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Date: 05/27/09 12:15 pm Title: Chapter 1
Fluffy, and I like how Tom was shy about it.