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It's a little scattered. First of, you've just got the bones of the story: the ideas. You need the meat. You've rushed into the story. Before you start with the action, you need to give details about your characters. You have to have their thoughts and personality. YOu need to give all of the back ground information. Why does lilith like Tom? Where are they? Why doesn't tom like Lilith? Why is Lilith this weird kid? Why doesn't she have friends. It's not realistic for someone to have zero friends. You're creating a Mary Sue. Looks don't really matter. If lilith think she's ugly, she isn't going to use 'glittering' to describe her hair. Also, use logic. A new kid probably isn't going to help some girl at her locker: they'd be trying to get to their class. And certainly Lillith isn't going to talk to them like she's known them for years. If you were new and someone talked to you like that, you'd think they were a bitch. Also: If Liltih is supposedly this shy nobody, she's probably not going to storm up to this madison person. Who is this Madison person anyways? You have to describe that to the reader. And lilith isn't the best name. It describe a daemon from the bible, and people are going to associate you character with something bad. You can usually name the antagonist after evil mythology. YOu also have a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything, I'm just trying to point everything out so that you can have a better piece of writing. All the things, and more, are things that a reader is going to notice. These things separate a distinguished author from an amateur writer. I like the idea, you just don't have all the things you need.

I think it's been rushed a little. It's a good Idea, but this scene should happen at like.. chapter four. Right now it's just a skeleton. You still need to add nerves, vein, muscles organs fluids sking... everything. It's complicated, but you have the basic structure thus far. Work on it.