Date: 12/14/10 07:43 pm Title: What They Do
Honestly, I think it could have been better. It dragged on for way too long. Yeah, how long it went on between them was important, but I think it may have been better if it was cut down. It was repetitive and that was without reading every single paragraph.
Also, it was so long for a oneshot. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a oneshot and making it a two shot if the word count is that high.
The writing itself was good. I didn't notice any mistakes.
Date: 04/28/09 11:35 pm Title: What They Do
I love all of the G's new names for Manzini! They were so funny! There were parts of it that were so funny, and then there were others that really weren't. At all.
Speaking of those parts, the part where Tom realizes that it's all his fault, that Bill was trying so hard and Tom was pushing him away, made me cry. Then again, it's late...so maybe that was it. But this is definately one of my favorite fics of all time.
Date: 04/28/09 01:30 pm Title: What They Do
Whoa this was like the longest review like ever *grimace* sorry I don’t want to edit it down…to much work *giggles* so you just get an 11page note/review *shrugs* could be worse…*laughs nervously*
Tom opens his mouth and moans as Bill presses another juicy chicken nugget between his lips. - *giggles* I knew it wasn’t sex but this is really funny!!!
A particularly raunchy scene starts and Bill pokes Tom gently in the chest.
“We haven’t done that in a while.” – lol what are they doing?
“Done what?” Tom asks, licking sauce from around his lips.
“It,” Bill replies. - *crack up* what is he 12? lol
“Do you want to?” He’d never tell his twin, but Tom actually hopes the answer is no. He’s so comfortable where he’s lying all over Bill, he doesn’t want to move – he could probably even fall asleep soon. – awh lol *shakes head*
They spend the next few hours on the couch, eating chicken nuggets and watching Nip Tuck. – that actually sounds really nice.
“Rub my belly?” Tom asks him, sounding just as pathetic as he feels. - *snorts*
Bill smiles tiredly and sinks down next to him, sliding his foot just slightly off the edge of the bed. Their whole lives, Bill has never been able to sleep without having one foot sticking out from the covers and hanging from the edge of the mattress. – very very nice detail!
Tom smirks and takes hold of his hand, pushing it downwards and beneath the elastic of his underpants, but Bill stops him. “Not that sexy,” he mutters with a snort. - *giggles*
“Wait, do you actually want to do it, or do you only want to because you think we haven’t done it in ages?” – stop being logical! He’s offering to get you off and you are saying no? silly boy!
“But…I really wanna do it,” Tom whines.
Before Bill leaves he turns back to Tom, his expression stormy. “Yeah but now I don’t. Sucks, doesn’t it?” – ouch!
He’ll go make it up to Bill, it’s not too late. He jumps up and goes to open the bathroom door, only to discover that Bill locked it. Bill never locks it.- oy!
“I can’t,” Bill says, sounding genuinely disappointed. “Andi’s coming to pick me up, we’re going Christmas shopping.” – damn they really have gotten into a rut. *sigh*
So they haven’t done it in a while, Tom isn’t worried, it doesn’t mean anything. In his opinion they’ve just grown too comfortable, gotten too lazy, which is normal in steady relationships. – very true but it’s important to try to maintain the closeness and intimacy of the relationship.
Since this is just a fantasy, Tom doesn’t have to worry about making sure Bill is ready, he can easily just press into his hole and push forward. – lol
He has to grab hold of the shelf in the shower to keep himself up, and Tom ignores all the bottles of expensive shampoo and foaming body wash that he knocks off, even the ones that hit his feet before bouncing off and clattering around noisily in the bottom of the shower. – nice detail!
He pulls hard at his dick, and he can hear the breathy noises Bill makes as he’s being fucked. – hot!!!
Tom’s eyes fly open, and as he sees Bill standing outside of the shower with a confused expression on his face, he comes – why is Bill confused?
“I was coming home so we could…” Bill waves his arm around, looking flustered. “But then you were...” – ah that’s why he’s pissed…give him like 30 minutes and he’ll be up for another round and last longer!
“On the same day that you won’t fuck me? Nice.”
“Oh, Jesus Bill,” – yeah really! Fucking A!
“I mean maybe you get off more on the idea of fucking me than actually fucking me,” Bill says. – OMG he’s just gone to angry for the sake of being angry!!!
“There must be something, something I’m doing wrong or something I’m not doing, or you would still want to be with me all the time. What is it?” – oh he thinks it’s him *nods* ok
“Fine, fine, okay. I thought about you being naked on the bed, on all fours,” Tom says, feeling slightly embarrassed at having to saying it all out loud. “And then I got on the bed behind you and…we did it.” – a little exposing but worth it to be honest and to communicate.
Nope, not the right thing to say. - *snorts*
“Well you know what?” Bill stands up. “Sometimes it’s not all that great for me either. Sometimes I actually just don’t feel like having something jammed up my ass!” – oh god! Bill what is really going on?
Bill always ends up running from their arguments when he’s all out of steam, and Tom always lets him.
It’s just what they do when they fight. – nice history, nice details! It’s good for the story give is depth!!!
When Bill comes to him later that evening, Tom doesn’t know what to expect, but it certainly isn’t Bill sliding into his lap on the couch as Tom flips through the channels. – um yeah!
“I love doing all that stuff with you. Touching you and kissing you and licking you.” Tom smiles at the light blush on Bill’s face. “But when I’m just, you know…” He makes the jerking motion with his hand and Bill laughs. “I just skip to the main event.” – awh Tomi’s so sweet!
“It’s me,” Bill says sheepishly, holding a hand against his belly. “Something I ate while I was out today. My stomach has been doing that all afternoon, and it hurts.” – OMG they are never going to have sex are they?
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Bill says, patting his stomach.
“I’ll live,” Tom says with a sigh. He ignores the nagging little voice in his head that tells him he should feel more disappointed. – but he doesn’t does he? Oy!
Bill complained about it all day until Tom reminded him how hot it was when they had to sneak around in the middle of the night - *giggles* and they aren’t going to have sex are they?
It’s always something, they’re too tired, they don’t feel well or they just can’t get any time alone. – you guys need to make time for this!
Tom can’t believe it when Bill finally takes him into his mouth, can’t believe that he hasn’t missed this more, hasn’t been hassling Bill to do it, it’s so good. – oh the things we forget when we get distracted!
Tom’s blissful reverie is rudely interrupted by a sudden slap to his face.
“What the fuck?!” Bill isn’t sucking him anymore, he’s hovering above Tom looking mad as hell. “What did you slap me for?”
“You fell asleep, you fucking dick! I can’t believe you!” - *snorts*
Bill shakes his head, he looks miserable. “I’m humiliated.”
“Don’t be dumb,” Tom murmurs. “It’s kinda funny, really.” – very very wrong response!
It’s too small and crowded for more than one person, but Bill and Tom curl around each other and jam up close together in the tiny bunk, with Bill’s foot dangling from the edge.
It’s just what they do on the bus. – good continuity
I didn’t think Tom would get off this way…damn they are in so much trouble.
“No you aren’t. I was just talking to Georg about…whether he’s ever fallen asleep during…you know.” – *sputters* what?!
“We used to do a lot of things,” Bill says quietly, pulling his arm away and turning to walk away. – ouch!
“There’s a dude here who looks just like you,” Gustav shouts – KRISTOFFER!
Tom raises his eyebrows at Bill, and Bill just laughs. It’s actually more of a cackle, one that only comes out when Bill is really toasted. - *snorts*
“Manzini?” Tom laughs. “That guy is famous, I think. He’s Dutch or something. And what the fuck, he does not look like me!” – his face is different but his style and his look are very parallel, oh and he Danish not Dutch.
“You probably have his little hip hop CDs and everything.” – stupid boy only has one and then a single in English!!! Impossible to get a hold of!!! I hate that I’m going to have to go online to some skeezy Danish online music story and see if I can get my hands on it. I’ve been looking for months and haven’t been successful yet pisses me right off too!
He’s more hop than hip, he break dances and shit. I’m sure he’s only like seventeen. – actually he’s like three months younger then you and it’s more pop/hip-hop then anything.
“Well he was just talking to me at first, but I could hardly fucking understand a word he was saying,” Bill begins, slurring his words a little. “Then all of a sudden, his hand is on my ass-” – Kristoffer’s English is actually pretty good, I have no idea about his German though.
“Man-sleazy,” Georg says – *wheezes with laughter*
“And he’s talking to me and shit, I still can’t understand him so I yell at him to talk to me in English.” Tom snorts, he can picture Bill bellowing in some poor guy’s face. “So he did, and he told me it’s his birthday and that I should kiss him, and he said that I’m beautiful-” – ha ha ha!!!!
“Ew, Man-cheesy,” Gustav scoffs. - *snorts*
“Aw what a Man-meanie!” Georg says, slamming his fist down on the table mockingly. – lol!!!!! *cracks up*
“Man-teasy,” Gustav says, leaning back with a smirk. – OMG will you stop! lol
Tom’s stomach lurches when he enters the small room and sees Bill pinned up against the wall, laughing breathily against lips that don’t belong to Tom. Manzini is pressed up close to him, his fingers entangled in Bill’s ‘crazy’ hair. – oy! Oh and HOT! But that’s only a side thought
“Tom!” Tom has never really thought about what he’d do if he ever discovered some guy pawing all over Bill and kissing him, perhaps go into a rage, maybe kick the shit out of the guy, but he does neither. Tom turns and leaves, ignoring Bill completely. – OY! *grimace*
“I mean it, this has to wait.” He nods in the direction of Tobi, who is now sitting in the driver’s seat. These guys could probably write a book about all the shit they’ve seen and heard with the band, and Tom really doesn’t want the fight between him and Bill about Bill cheating on him with some weird look-alike ending up being chapter eight in Tobi’s tell-all. - *snorts* I’m sure they’re under some sort of disclosure contract.
Bill shakes his head and looks like he’s going to burst into tears. “It was nothing! It was just stupid, I don’t know why I did it. What you saw was it, I swear.”
Tom believes that, but it doesn’t make it any better. “I don’t know if I can talk to you right now,” Tom mumbles, holding his head in his hands. - *makes a face*
“Oh you think it’s hard for you?” Tom asks incredulously. “How do you think I feel? Bill, if you saw me kissing someone else, you would go ballistic. You can’t even handle me touching myself!”
“Well maybe I wouldn’t have been kissing him if you just-”
“Oh no, don’t EVEN,” Tom cuts him off, pointing his finger right at Bill. “Don’t try to blame this on me.” – dude! This is so messed up!
“I think…something isn’t working anymore.” Bill’s lip is trembling, and the bad feeling inside Tom’s stomach has grown to the point where he might need to throw it up very soon. “You say you want me but,” Bill shakes his head, “I’ve never felt less wanted.” – OMG are they going to “break up?”
“What are you saying?” Tom feels cold, he’s actually shivering.
“You know what I’m saying.” – AAAHHH HoMG!
“What do you mean did?” – ouch!
“What?” It’s his first word to Bill all day. “Did you think we’d still be sleeping in the same bed?”
Bill drops his own bags down and looks a little lost. “I guess I didn’t really think about it.” It’s just a whisper, but Tom hears it. – nope you didn’t but you’ve made your bed what are you going to do about it?
“And it’s my decision to unmake my decision,” Bill murmurs right into Tom’s neck.
“It doesn’t work like that,” Tom says stiffly. – not just like that you have to rebuild it again.
“You can’t do that,” Tom mutters, trying to struggle out of Bill’s very firm hold. “You can’t just do that to me and expect me to take you back. I’m done with this shit.” He wrenches away from Bill, but Bill grabs one of the t-shirts and pulls it hard.
“No!” he shrieks, and he looks completely hysterical. - *sigh*
“No, please stay with me, I’m sorry about last night, I didn’t know what I was doing or saying, I didn’t mean it!” Bill’s babbling gets increasingly louder and more panicky the closer Tom gets to the door. “We can’t break up, that’s stupid, I need you.” – OMG Bill has completely lost it!
It’s been two weeks and Tom is still sleeping on Georg’s couch. He’s been back to the apartment for clothes and his toothbrush, but that’s it. - *grimace*
Each day is a little better, or perhaps better isn’t the right way to describe it -each day is a little different. Each day Bill’s sad face and upturned mouth is a little less noticeable, it’s slowly being replaced by a scowl, and lips pressed together in a thin straight line. – well different can be good *frowns trying to convince herself*
“Yeah Daniel Barth told me he saw you and that Dutch guy having dinner on Friday night.”
“He’s not Dutch, he’s Danish,” Bill says irritably. – yeah that’ll solve the problem
“I got dropped off.”
“By who?” The question is out before Tom can stop it, and he immediately regrets asking. - *flinch*
“By Mum, if you must know,” Bill replies - *gasps* OMG!
“I promise I’ll leave you alone,” Bill says quietly. “If you come back, I won’t say anything about…you know.” Tom says nothing, so Bill tries again. “It’s still our house, Tom. Yours and mine. We’re still brothers, and I want you there.” - *frowns* doesn’t seem right some how…hum?
“What do you want?” he manages to croak out.
“You know what I want,” Bill says flatly.
“I meant from here,” Tom adds, his nerves fraying even more.
“So did I.”
“Oh.” So Tom orders Bill’s food, everything right down to the extra barbeque sauce for the nuggets and no ice in the Coke, all without Bill saying a word.
It’s just what they do at McDonalds. - *laughs breathily through nose*
He misses it all. – awh *pouts*
Everything around him reminds Tom of last Christmas, of how he had dragged Bill upstairs to the guest bathroom because he just couldn’t keep his hands off him. He remembers it so vividly, and despite how upset he is, Tom’s belly swirls at the memory. – awh!
The sex scene in the bathroom with the candy cane was so sweet!
Tom’s stomach is aching in a weird way, and he keeps his eyes on Bill. How could he have let him go? How could he have been dumb enough to push Bill away and make him feel unwanted? Tom has never wanted him more, and would give anything to get him up into that bathroom again.
Just then Bill’s mobile phone rings, and the little smile on Bill’s face when he looks to see who’s calling him is enough to twist the ache in Tom’s belly painfully.
It’s too late. – that’s their entire existence now isn’t it missed connections and regrets!
“Is it just me, or does that guy that Bill brought tonight look heaps like you?” – OMG so soon?! He’s parading Kris around this soon after the break up? *sighs*
“Oh for God’s sake, I don’t want my night to end at the hospital, watching you get your stomach pumped,” Bill snaps.
Tom snickers. “Yeah, we all know exactly how you want your night to end.” He doesn’t even wait for a reaction, just grabs his wallet from the table. “Later.”- ahhh OMG with the way they are behaving someone is going to notice something sometime soon!
“Stella? What kind of name is that?” Tom scrunches up his nose.
“Mine,” she says with a shrug.
Tom raises his eyebrows. “Fair enough.” – lol I’m totally going to use that sometime in the future.
“Is your brother here?” she asks him, and Tom has to roll his eyes a little, but he smiles at her.
“Let me guess, you wanna meet him?”
“I’m sorry, I guess you get that a lot. We don’t have to.” – that was the correct answer to her own very stupid question!
“I’ll be back in a minute,” Tom says to Stella, and follows his brother. – dude he’s going to abandon her with Andreas and Kris? That’s so cheep!
Tom smirks at him. “You and that guy, it’s so dumb.” – dude!
Bill’s watching him over Andreas’ shoulder as they hug, and Tom’s stomach clenches just for a moment; Bill looks so sad, and all Tom wants to do is push Stella away and run to him, but then Bill turns and Tom spots the ugly, purplish bruise on his neck, and the urge disappears. It’s so fucking gross, Tom thinks. He would never leave a big, ugly hickey on Bill’s neck, all the love bites he’d given Bill were in places you couldn’t see when Bill had clothes on. – messy messy messy!!!
Manzini looks amused. “Uh yes, kind of. I am my own band, I rap,” he explains. “I make the balloon song.” – not just that one but that one is good!
“You know, Nena,” Andreas repeats, and then starts singing the song loudly, and it’s more than Tom can take, even Bill is laughing.
Manzini smiles. “Oh no, it’s nothing like that.” He’s so deadpan, Tom actually giggles. – no nothing like that lol!
By the time they decide to go back to their hotel, Tom has made Manzini both rap and break dance for Andreas and Stella, while Bill just rolled his eyes. – really! Lol!!!
“Do you guys just have people around all the time?” Stella asks, looking around the car. “Like bodyguards and shit? Do they go everywhere you go?” – she’s coming with them? I think she needs to keep her mouth shut and enjoy her luck at this moment instead of asking silly questions!
As soon as they get into the hotel lobby, Bill tugs on Tom’s sleeve. “We’re gonna hang out in the bar down here for a bit, do you wanna stay?” Tom blinks at him, there’s something about the way Bill is looking at him, something in his expression that Tom can’t read, because he can barely even focus on Bill’s face, he’s that bombed. - *frowns* hum? There was something there. Something important the Tom missed.
“Can I talk to you? Now?” Bill asks him. – what is going on?
“I…don’t want you to do it,” Bill says.
“Whatever it is you’re about to do.” Bill’s face is red and he won’t look Tom in the eye. “Please.” – Why? What is going on?
Tom laughs, opening his door again. “Have fun, Bill.” He ignores the tears he can see in Bill’s eyes and shuts the door in his face. – ugh! So harsh!
“No, I um…I have a friend on his way over.” Bill looks down, and Tom’s stomach turns even worse than when he thinks about having a drink. - *grimace*
“Ugh, I mean sex,” Bill says. “I’m not saying he’s never kissed me. But I’ve never let him do anything else.”
Tom takes a breath, feeling a strange sort of relief. – oy both of them are so messed up.
“He wants to,” Bill says. “Tonight.”
Tom drops the keys and turns away. “Oh my God, why are you telling me this?” – yes Bill why?
“Because,” Bill says calmly. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t.” – OMG are you going to play that card? WTF?
“Is it Bill?” Gustav asks, and Tom looks at him sharply. “Are you guys still fighting? Man, you really need to sort that out.” – yeah not that easy!
He doesn’t want Manzini to touch Bill there, and oh shit the thought of him putting his dick in Bill is more than Tom can stand. – yeah I bet!
This is all his fault, he drove Bill into the arms of someone else, someone else who right now is in Tom’s bed, maybe even in his Bill. – this wasn’t just your fault!
“Hey! Where are you going?” yeah you’re the DD! Well I suppose they can afford a cab.
He’s never been so glad to see his apartment building ever, and his tires actually screech as he slams on the brakes, something he’s only ever really seen happen in the movies, or when he’d go with Bill when Bill first learned to drive. – lol
Bill looks up from where he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, a towel wrapped around him, his wet hair sending droplets of water down his arms and chest. He looks sad, and Tom just might throw up. He’s too late. - *sigh* no not too late, not really.
“I didn’t do it, Tom. I couldn’t.” – didn’t think so.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long, but…”
“But you’re here,” Bill finishes for him. – in more then just the “right now” kind of way.
“I’m so fucking in love with you,” he says, his lips brushing against Bill’s mouth as he speaks. – well at least you figure it out…now maybe you both will put intimacy back up on the list of important things.
They’ll need to talk properly, but right now Tom has other things on his mind. It feels like all they’ve done is talk, talk, talk for weeks, perhaps even months now, and there is something Tom needs, wants to do. – about fucking time!
Bill smirks and gently pulls Tom forward until the back of Bill’s knees hit the bed and he falls back onto it, opening his legs. Tom swallows, looking down at his twin and wondering how the fuck he could ever have turned this down. – well you aren’t now so…?
Tom manages to grab his face and kisses him again, long and hard, until Bill is moaning into his mouth and pushing his hips up to rub against Tom. – hot!
“I want this,” he pants, pressing the tip of his thumb in firmly, feeling Bill open just a tiny bit.
“Take it,” Bill gasps, pulling his knees back. “It’s yours.” – lol that’s just funny and cute
Bill has shifted up properly against the pillows on the bed, their bed. – I noticed the subtle emphasis on their bed. *grins*
As Tom gets back between Bill’s legs, Bill grins at him cheekily. “Actually I was thinking we could maybe watch TV.” Tom just smiles at Bill laughing and presses a wet finger hard against his hole. “Oh…” Bill’s laughter disappears and he squirms around, opening his legs. “Or this is good.” - *snorts*
“Mmmm.” Tom eases the finger in, feeling Bill stretch around it, which does nothing to quell the throbbing in his cock. He slides his finger in and out, until Bill is panting, before slipping another finger in and using them both to rub Bill’s spot, gently at first but building up the pressure and speed until Bill is mumbling incoherently and his legs start to quiver. Tom is ready to burst. He gently pulls the fingers out, and watches Bill let out a breath, his limbs flopping down. He looks like he’s been fucked already and it’s driving Tom crazy. – ok this part is just fucking hot!
Their mouths mash against each other sloppily as their hips move together, rolling around slowly in practiced and perfected movements that drive Tom out of his mind. Him and Bill have always been so good together like this. Neither of them had known really anything about doing it with guys before they had each other, but they had figured it all out together, just like everything else. - *smiles*
Tom starts thrusting into him properly, already feeling slight relief in his cock at being able to rut into Bill how he’s been wanting all night, all week, and every week for the past month.
“Oh shit,” Bill gasps, his fingers grappling at Tom’s shoulders.
“There?” Tom wheezes out, careful to keep his movements steady so that he’s fucking Bill just right.- hot!
“Mmm. There is no way Manzini was getting any of that,” Tom finally says.
Bill snorts. “What are you talking about?”
“I just wouldn’t have let him,” Tom says.
“Who said anything about that? He wanted me to fuck him. God, he was practically gagging for it.” Bill laughs.
“Ha! You are so full of shit.”
“It’s the truth!” Bill insists. “He wanted it, trust me.” – I’m pretty sure he did!!!
a message from Georg.
did u leav sumthin at home? R u comin bak 2 get us? – lol nope you guys are on your own!
Tom couldn’t care less about what he might or might not get for Christmas; he already has all he needs. This year he has what he missed so much last Christmas, and grateful doesn’t even begin to cover how he feels about it. – awh! Sappy fluff!
Tom can’t help pouting a little; the least Bill could have done is wait for Tom to get home before putting on his little show. – awh you feeling left out? Well it’s not that you’re being left out it’s a trail of bread crumbs *grins*
He should make Bill pick all this shit up, but Tom can’t bear to leave it lying there, it would bug him too much. – ha ha!!
The only thing he’s wearing besides a wicked smile and this morning’s smudged eyeliner is a bright red Santa hat on the top of his head, and while one hand is holding a red and white candy cane to his mouth as he licks it, the other is down between his spread legs. Tom can see where Bill’s finger is rubbing over his hole, and the skin around it is glistening wet, smeared with either lube or saliva, Tom can’t tell. – oh can I get one of those for Christmas…I’ll be really naughty all year I promise!
Bill smiles around his sticky peppermint treat when his eyes land on Tom’s dick, which is hard and getting harder. He pulls his hand away from between his legs and opens them wider as Tom crawls onto the end of the bed towards him. - hot
“I suddenly have the urge to sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas.”
…“That’s funny.” Bill sits up a little and presses his sticky hands against Tom’s chest, gently pushing him until he’s rolled over onto his back. “Because I’m gonna sit on your lap and give you what you want.” – very nice use of words!!!! VERY NICE!
“Bill-” Tom tries to say, he’s almost positive that Bill hasn’t bothered to stretch himself properly, but he’s cut off by the curved end of the peppermint candy cane being shoved between his lips.
“Shhh,” Bill hushes, and Tom obeys, holding Bill steady as he rolls his hips around, trying to screw himself down. His face is red and he looks determined, Tom sucks on the candy cane obediently and watches, unable to believe how much better this Christmas is already, compared to last year. - *shakes head* Oh my goodness!
Bill is finally sitting right on him and Tom immediately wants to roll him over and fuck him none too gently, but he knows he has to wait. Right now Bill is rolling around, rubbing himself in all the right places apparently, if the way he’s mewling loudly is any indication. There is no way Tom’s going to interrupt. – hot!
Bill smiles lazily and leans down close. “I already have everything I want.” He snakes one arm around the back of Tom’s neck, leaning on him heavily. “Just let me keep it.” – communication is the key!
It’s just what they do …- the parallelism of this was nice throughout the story. I was very disappointed that Kris didn’t play more of a roll in this story?! I think Kris is an under used character much like Samy, and Bushido; but more so because no one uses him at all. Yours is the second story I found with Manzini I wish there were more *sigh* Thanks for sharing.