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Reviewer: 1204skateboarding Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/01/13 12:16 am Title: Chapter 1

Could you please please please write more because Im confused

Reviewer: dantereznor Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/12/11 01:44 am Title: Chapter 1

Alright sugar, I wasn't leaving the review as a 'rawr u sux no moar!' so I am thrilled you saw that I was meaning to help with the review by pointing out the mistakes I saw.

As this is an older fic like you said, maybe later on you might think about fixing it up. Having a beta to help out might be a good idea, they can help you in places you might get stuck at or correct errors you might miss.

Author's Response: you are a sweetheart feel free to copy paste it onto a document if you are in the mood to beta you sound very knowledgeable in the area.

Reviewer: dantereznor Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/11/11 06:53 pm Title: Chapter 1

Okay, well then.
A few comments are to be made here.

First, you switch between POV and first person a lot in this fic, which is confusing - because it sounds as if YOU are talking to the reader as they go through this.

Secondly, fetal distress is quite common and one of the first things they do in hospitals is check the babies after your labor begins to see how far along you are into it - so the still-born idea while a good one, it is more likely to have been prevented in the case of twins. More so because it was the cord wrapped about the neck.

Finally; hospitals actually look out for signs of PPD - which is what I am assuming helped lead Bill to the idea of 'Oh hey I'll kill myself now,' which didn't feel as real as you could have made it seem. The rope being bought seems like a after thought - since his idea to kill himself came in after the birth and learning one of the babies died.

Author's Response: I don't know anything about being pregnant. I won't pretend I do. Secondly he decided to kill himself before the babies were actually born because of his feelings for Tom and what Tom had said. Thank you for your comments. This is infact an older stories my newer stories don't switch around as much

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