Date: 08/10/13 05:31 am Title: Chapter 1
I read the 8.48 update and then found this too. I didn't realise you also had another story on the go. It shows promise and I'm wondering where it will go. Just a couple of points you might like to go back and amend, I noticed in the first chapter you mentioned Tom wanting to wax his dreads and also Bill having black hair, then in a later chapter you mentioned Tom's cornrows and Bill being blond, and also again in another chapter you call Tom a dreadhead, so you might want to go back and fix the mistakes for someone coming in and reading from the start. Also, from things on the BTK app we now know Tom refers to Bill as Billi, not Billa...but then he could call him Billa in private, couldn't he? Sorry, that sounds like a lot of criticism, and its not meant to be, just that I know how prone to inconsistencies my own writing is (especially when I do my own beta-ing like you) and I hate knowing I've not kept the details right throughout. But...as I said, promising story, and the twins' relationship is really sweet. Love all the details you put in about the recording studio, and the trials that life as a celebrity brings. Hope you keep updating. Hugs, Helen x
Author's Response: Oh god I know!! I've had it going for some time so I know there's a lot of little details that are probably off...by then again I have kinda left the fandom now (I don't have the time to devote to my obsession anymore :( ) but yeah, I may actually take it down and just overhaul it completely then re-post I'm not yet sure...an it's not criticism! I prefer people to tell me these things as it helps me grow as a writer, so thank you muchly! <3 rnFern xx
Date: 02/20/11 11:38 pm Title: Chapter 3
Adorable!! I love it :) I can't wait for more!
btw, I've always loved when people use 'Tomi' and 'Billa' it's just so cute :3
Author's Response: thank you!! more may be up soon :D rni know! its just too cute sometimes :L rnFern xx
Date: 11/08/10 12:28 am Title: Chapter 2
I like how Tom made reference to them having talked about Bill's size before. I am very much looking forward to more of this. I hope you can update soon. =)
Author's Response: hehe yay! someone picked up on that :) theres a lot of this fic written already, but its all on paperr :/ so it'll take me a while to get it all on my PC cos i have loads of work, but hopefully it wont be too long! thanx for reviewing rnfern xx
Date: 09/14/10 09:19 pm Title: Chapter 1
Lol.. wooly arms.. lmao.
Anyways, it didn't go anywhere, like you said, I thought it was a oneshot at first so I was like, wtf. xD Then realized it's a WIP chapter fic! Yay.
We didn't really get to understand what the plot is yet, that's okay though.
One thing, just don't add the random German. Seriously. It's even stated on the THF Grammar Guide NOT to use that. It's stated as rules of the site not to stick random German in there. (unless it's part of the plot. Like Bill only speaks German but Tom only knows English say ,and Tom has problems communicating with him. It contributes to the plot. What you showed, did not.) It makes the writing look sort of iffy, and we all know what it says.. "Hallo" is pointless, why not just 'hello'? The rest of the text is in English. Ich liebe dich auch is I love you too. We all know that...
Anyways, it just really annoys me when I see that. Just giving you a heads up.
Billa bothers me too, but that's a personal preference, don't mind it. xD
(I sound like a jerk now wtf.)
I could go on, but this is about YOU not ME.
So onto your story.
(btw I just clicked this fic b/c I liked your username. o.0 lmao.) The title seems interesting and suspenseful, makes me wonder if it's gonna be Tom wanting to be loved, or Bill!
Tom seems so clingy in the fic, love it. Sweet and Bill is a lazy head. :3
Does the last paragraph hint something...? 'she' seems strange. Idk what will come of this...
Loving it so far,
don't use random German again please. I'm looking forward to future updates!
Author's Response: haha! thanx for the heads up! :) tbh iwrote this first bit quite a long time ago and i forgot to take that out!! so i shall go back and change it! thanx for reminding mii!! :) rnas for the plot this chapter isnt meant to give much away yet ;) and yes Bill is a lazy head atm the reason will be revealed in time :) and i dont know where 'she' is going. rni promoise no more random german :P and im glad that you liked it! rnas for my username its a song by The Rasmus, in case you didnt already know :P rnFern xx
Date: 09/14/10 08:48 pm Title: Chapter 1
I really like it so far! I'd love to read more. I can't wait for the next update! Good luck with your first attempt at twincest. :D
Author's Response: yay! thank you :) more will be up soon and thanx a lot! :) rnFern xx