Date: 01/06/15 02:53 am Title: "Nothing. I'm just lonely."
Oh wow this is beautiful! Your writing and the pace is incredible. Something about it that makes me need to read each sentence so carefully. It's so brief and straight to the point that i'm afraid to miss anything. I'm craving for Tom to help him though!
Date: 02/25/10 04:46 pm Title: "There's nothing wrong, Tom, I'm fine."
I love the obsessive count down of time, down to the minute! It really draws me into the story; it can sometimes be difficult for an author to pull readers in that way, but I think the repetition of the count down is effective.
I think you could definitely spend some more time elaborating on the minute details of Tom and Bill's interactions, or Bill's thought processes leading up to his death. Or perhaps more painful ruminations on the many complex circumstances that are coaxing Bill into doing this.
Really looking forward to reading more!
Date: 02/03/10 05:10 pm Title: "There's nothing wrong, Tom, I'm fine."
so ....... is sure now!! i'm kinda starting to like it more than ten minutes ago! cool awesome amazing bill! puppies... yey i like dogs too....
hhhmmmm is it just me or bill wants to buy his mother a car?!
goood bill and poor bill he's all kind and yet he wants to do that stupid thing! ohh please stop the time!
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! It'll all be cleared up soon :)
Date: 02/03/10 04:59 pm Title: "Nothing. I'm just lonely."
so damn curious now! i want to read it !
but my silly brain is confused because i don't get it why he wants to die!? he has a amazing brother, family...
anyway i'll read!
Author's Response: You'll find out soon enough! Thank you for reviewing!
Date: 01/27/10 10:49 pm Title: "There's nothing wrong, Tom, I'm fine."
You need an explanation as to why Bill is going to kill himself and why he is making all these purchases. That might help clear things up.
Author's Response: Well, that's coming out at the end. It's the whole story, I wouldn't tell you in the beginning, because it's the climax.
Date: 01/27/10 08:38 am Title: "There's nothing wrong, Tom, I'm fine."
No your doing fine I'm just wOndering how 24 hours turned into 119
Author's Response: It's kind of like a prologue, if you get what I mean- that paragraph is supposed to represent the day before he dies. Thank you for being specific- I'll change it so it makes sense. :)