Date: 01/19/14 08:45 pm Title: Chapter 2: Locked in?
Okay, I love ghost stories, and TH horror fics are heaven for me. BUT you're moving too fast on the action, and making things too obvious for the reader. You should have spent more time on character development (they may be real people, but as fiction writers we define them in fictional situations), and maybe considered adding some depth to Bill's antipathy. As it is, in life of the cheating factor Bill's dislike seems unfounded. I liked how you wrote Bill's reaction, without specifically defining the nature of the twins' relationship, but then you over dramatized it.
Using romantic clichés makes the scene dull, although I will admit that I INSTANTLY identified with Bill's response to Tom ("I can't hate you... I'm... disappointed" [not mad])... for me, that's a moment straight out if my own relationship. You're story's not bad; it is still interesting; but it needs work, and when Bill got out of the basement, I was so surprised that he wasn't more expressive, frightened, or angry. You could have done something very interesting with that scene- the fear of the dark, being alone, and/or being trapped are all sources of human fear straight from the primeval soup.
Like I said it's alright, but needs to be mor strongly referred to literary/horror storytelling devices. ;-)
Date: 01/19/14 08:22 pm Title: Introduction: 3am Wake Up Call
Seems okay so far. I would say, however, that one should be careful when coding (e.g., via italics) for the intimation of another language being used. It can provide a useful barrier of privacy between characters, such as Bill and Tom in your story, but it's usually unnecessary. You seem to be doing okay, though. :-)
Date: 09/09/13 09:58 am Title: Epilogue Two: The Alternate Ending
So... Bill is like totally ok with having killed someone? :p
Anyways! The first ending was such an "omg-wtfjusthappened-ending". Which I liked :) but this ending left me more content I suppose :)
Thanks for this story! I really enjoyed it, and read it one go. The onlything that bugged me was the parts i found a bit unrealistic, where I feel like the characters would have acted differently. But I'm not kinda complain, as I said, I really enjoyed this read! Thanks alot!
Date: 01/13/11 03:41 am Title: Epilogue Two: The Alternate Ending
Definitely like this ending better XD But this story was creepy and great and would have been good not matter what way you ended it...but since I am a sucker for happy endings I am glad you tacked on this last part XD
Date: 09/17/10 09:57 am Title: Epilogue Two: The Alternate Ending
you are a fanfic goddess!!!! a guru!!!! i love it, soooooo much!!!!!
Date: 08/01/10 02:36 pm Title: Epilogue Two: The Alternate Ending
Really amazing and thrilling story and I was on edge but I really disliked this ending.... infact both endings.
The first ending was better buta happy twist on that would have been better like the person in the crowd to have been the Elizabeth and her to have been alive would have been a very interesting ending but also one that would leave a cliff hanger and an open for another one.
But the rest of the entire thing was amazing quality and SOOO good!
Date: 12/09/09 11:22 pm Title: Epilogue One
SCANDALOUS!! So did NOT see that coming.. wow. I was under the impression that Elizabeth was gone.
-blinks- I'm in a bit of shock... the lengths that .. psycho went to .. scares the fuck out of me .. makes me wonder if some crazy psycho fan would attempt to pull something like this off