Date: 03/26/10 02:10 pm Title: "How comfortable?"
I know this is a very stupid way of starting off a review, but this is the very first time I see LaFee in a fanfiction. o.o She's one of my favourite singers, and it's so good to read about her, for once... oh well.
So, what to say. I still remember reading Joined by Their Misery, I have already commented on that, but I admit I was curious to check out some other stories of yours. I chose this one because it seemed pretty popular, and it truly is more light-hearted than Joined by Their Misery, therefore I found that your style fits better. In fact, I must say that I loved this one much more.
Basically, I enjoyed the plot and the general idea, and what I appreciated the most was the fact that it didn't last too much--you were never too short, nor did you drag the story for too long, for which I'm happy to give you credits.
Occasionally, in your Chapter End Notes you would promise that coming up chapters weren't going to be so long. Now I wonder... but why? Long chapters are so good, when they're well written, especially when they contain one whole scene. And I did love all of your chapters, here, they were well long and so lovely.
I've been taught to appreciate realistic and believable stories; I didn't not find this one particularly probable, however, I've read so many different fictions that I think I've lost the conception of verisimilitude, here, I can't really distinguish between a believable story and an unbelievable one any more. The point here is, the plot maybe sounded like a romantic novel, but after all, I must say that the style made it all pretty believable.
There's something I've noticed about how you tend to write a story that I think you could improve. There are some points where you tend to gather some scenes in full long descriptions, when these scenes basically deserve to be written out carefully. I've already noticed that in JBTM, when you wrote a full chapter explaining Tom's past, in order to give a general description of the character we were going to meet.
In this fic you did this in chapter two; after Bill and Tom make out, Bill decides they should just talk. After that, you gathered all their speaking in a few beast paragraphs. Bill informs Tom about his past experiences, etc, so I'm assuming they were getting to know each other in that scene. But why skip that scene by summarising it? They were discovering one another! They were deepening their relationship! That's the most romantic part in a love story! However, I understand that chapter two basically consisted of a flashback, and their relationship was already established when the fiction started, so the story wasn't meant to revolve around their first meetings, so what I pointed out was only a minor detail.
Still speaking of that flashback. If you were going to write out their first meetings, then what was the point in summarising them in the first chapter? The story in chapter one would have been pretty clear even if you hadn't been so detailed about their current situation, not to mention that the flashback explained it quiet well.
Anyway, please take care of this; unlike JBTM, I noticed that you used dialogues in a proper captivating way, I really enjoyed myself while reading them. Indeed, I found that there weren't descriptions in excess (nothing against them, they're my favourites, but only in Angsty stories...), and plus, they were nicely mingled with good dialogues. The fic all in all was pretty fluent and enjoyable. :)
Ah, there's something else...
"There was something mysterious about Bill that drew T in like never before." - Bill... mysterious? Um, I'm not sure I agree. He literally showed his personality properly well when he argued with Tom, and he seems to be confident in himself, so I don't think that "mysterious" works. This is just another minor detail, but I'm saying, don't just write down random statements because they seem convenient, at the moment: it seems to me that you made Bill be "mysterious" only because you wanted Tom to be pulled in so quickly, when a fast explanation about... I don't know, Bill's sexiness, for instance, would have worked just fine. Still, I might be wrong; so if you really meant for Bill to be mysterious like that, feel free to answer me. :)
Here's another example of what I mean:
"T was so infamous in Germany and many different places throughout Europe and from the interviews Bill had seen and the one time he was invited to the EMAs a few months earlier, he thought T was a nice guy who tried to be tough. The photographer was never wrong." - So, I don't think there's the need to point out that Bill knew Tom was a nice guy who tried to be tough (and besides I wonder, how does he know that? Did he guess? Mmm...). Indeed, there's no need for the readers to find out just now that Tom is a nice guy, because they'll discover Tom's lovely side as soon as he proposes, don't worry.
What I mean is, be careful what you write, make sure that your details won't turn out useless, everything you say should be there for a reason. Basically. Sorry if that wasn't clear, I'm a little tired.
However, I feel the need to repeat that those things I pointed out were only little, small things, they won't affect my opinion of this story. I really enjoyed it so much, like I said, it seemed to me I was reading a romantic novel. :)
I love your characterisations, too, I liked the way they acted, they were so young. I really appreciated it, it was well written. :)
Good luck for all your future writings!
Date: 02/02/10 03:17 pm Title: Prologue
Oh Looord ! I know it's been a long time since I've asked, but yeah, I'll go ahead as soon as possible. I aim to begin to post this summer, so now, I give myself time to translate "Before Sunrise" & "After Sunrise" if it's still okay for you =D !
Author's Response: :DD That's perfectly fine! Send me an email through the THF contact form from my bio and we'll talk details. :D I'm so excited!
Date: 10/26/09 03:48 pm Title: Prologue
Well, I don't want to bother you or anything, but I really like your job, so I would like to know if I could translate "Before Sunrise" in French. If it's not okay, just tell me. I won't start before you give me you're agreement :) ...
Author's Response: I think that would be fine. More than fine! :D I'm honored that you want to. :) Send and email to email@example.com and we'll talk, okay? :D Thanks! ♥