Reviews For She
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Reviewer: sakaulitz Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/04/10 01:00 pm Title: She

i find you anything BUT SCARY i find you immature and pathetic. people need defending as well as criticised its called giving someone confidence and i find offence in my reviews then think how kai feels reading yours. yours also caused offence you don't like it much so just think about that before reviewing. haven't you heard the saying treat others how you wish to be treated. i wouldn't want such horrible criticism and to be compared to someone's brother, sister ect.so maybe learn to give supportive criticism slightly more like ghostie. yer?

Reviewer: Savannah Suicide Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/03/10 07:48 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

And I'd like to know how I was supposed to find no offense in that.

Reviewer: Savannah Suicide Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/03/10 07:47 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

(Sorry for writing this on your reviews. D:)

v Dude. My sister is not a great writer. I was saying that even though she's 13, it doesn't make sense to use that as an excuse because my sister is 13 and writes well. I never said she was the next Shakespeare. My little brother is horrid at writing. I was saying he also has ADHD and can write, so it's not an excuse. To me it looks like you're just overreacting on little points I made so that it seems like I'm the bad guy here.

Uhm, dude. Read my reviews again and then tell me I didn't give her any tips on how to improve. I told her what was wrong and what she needed to fix. Stop being a jerk and stop feeling like you have to defend her from the big scary Savannah.

Reviewer: sakaulitz Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/02/10 01:35 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

as you saw i also gave her advise but no offence you were really mean and no it wasn't me who left you hate on your formspring I've never been on your profile. I told kai to use this as something to aim above, you didn't give her constructive criticism you were plain rude you didn't give her tips to improve her writing you just compared her to your "amazing" 13 year old sister who by what your saying is the next Shakespeare and saying that your brother has adhd and can also write better than her for your information adha effects different people different ways so can you stop comparing people because everyone is different.

Reviewer: Savannah Suicide Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/31/10 07:49 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

v I'm assuming either you or the author is the one who posted some anonymous hate on my Formspring, since it's only linked by my profile page and the spelling was awful. :D

But anyway...no authors that are told that ever go anywhere. :/ I mean, come on. Saying "Don't listen to them" won't get you anywhere in life, tbh. Writers improve by people telling them what they need to fix in their stories, not by people praising them and telling them not to listen to other reviews.



Author's Response: I left no hate. and as well I was never on your profile.

Reviewer: sakaulitz Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/31/10 05:26 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

ok i just read these comments they're a little harsh to say the least. Well a certain few. just saying. don't delete it because you think it sucks it doesn't yes it does need work but don't delete it because people are being critical to you. keep it use it as a marker or as something to aim above.

don't let stuff get you down kai my first stuff isn't great and i was about your age i look back at it and use it to make me think "oh man i can do or at least try harder than this" so do that and hold your head high least your attempting to try do something creative and i personally thought it was alright xx

Reviewer: Savannah Suicide Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/31/10 09:41 am Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

"I think it might delete it because I think it sucks now."

Well, if that's not a defeatist attitude, I don't know what is. :L As a writer, you have to learn to accept constructive criticism. Ghostie and I both gave you the tips to get better. Go ahead and rewrite it, but if you don't ever write it again, that's kind of...immature? I guess. I've deleted stories, but only when I couldn't write them anymore because I lacked the motivation. Just deleting them because you got a slightly harsh review isn't the way to do things.



Author's Response: I was going to delete it and edit it make it better and have a friend of mine read over it.

Reviewer: sakaulitz Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/30/10 08:16 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

aw kai i like it i love love love the first bit the second bit was good but my dumb brain didnt understand it as well as the first bit but i did love it well done but continue with your other one please xx

Author's Response: Thanks this is one if the nicest reviews I got But I think I might delete it cause I think it sucks now

Reviewer: Ghostie Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/30/10 08:02 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

Hello! I saw you got some criticism on your story and thought I'd weigh in, too. I can't really say how I wrote at your age because I didn't even write then, but writing is never wrong and I encourage you to do so. :) Self-expression is incredibly important.

There are a few suggestions I have for your writing too, if you don't mind. Your writing is basically fine in form, except your quotes are a little inconsistent/incorrect. It's pretty easy to fix though, and THF even has some really helpful writing guides: http://fiction.tokiohotelfiction.com/viewpage.php?page=writingguides

Also, consider writing in more description. When I write, I try to imagine it like a movie, so I make sure I get all the sights and sounds [and then you have to remember the other senses just by practice] and so the pacing is right. Also, it ensures you get all the right details. For example, you could say, Tom entered his study and sat at his desk. But if you imagine it like a movie, he didn't turn on any light, so right now he's sitting in the dark. I realize these are only snippets of your larger story, but then how can you expect people to want to read it after reading this, if you don't include a setting to intrigue them? Describe the characters a little more, make the reader thirst to know more about them.

As for the random language use; although your character might speak like that, it's not a normal habit for most people. Not that your character can't be a little wacky, but to relate to the reader, your characters should also be relatable. If most people reading this think using random German is silly, they'll think your character is silly. Also, just because she speaks random languages, doesn't excuse the other characters to as well. Even if they're theoretically speaking German because it's their mother tongue, and you're writing a translation of what they say, it still would not make sense to randomly switch between languages.

You mentioned the main character is based off yourself, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't have more characterization. We all base characters off ourselves, every writer does, because we write about what we know. But instead of writing her as yourself, or who you perceive yourself to be, imagine her as a new character with some of your traits, but a few other quirks that make her unique. That will also cause readers to appreciate your characters, if they have unique ticks.

Anywho, I hope this was helpful! Good luck, and thanks for the cookie! :)

Author's Response: Yes it was just something I wrote to get me into writing again and I had it written for a while. I'm making a series off of it and this was my little brain storm. thanks for your review you put in in a nice why! and I thank you for it. your welcome for the cookie.

Reviewer: Savannah Suicide Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/30/10 07:15 pm Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

My sister is thirteen and she writes much better, so don't give me that excuse. Your 'writing style', then, could honestly use practice, and even in oneshots, you have to have plot. It doesn't matter if it's a spinoff or what. You can't just have random things happening. ADHD is no excuse; my little brother has it and he writes as well. For the most part, he's fine. And by the way, half of America has ADHD, apparently, so it's hard to even trust that.

And ftr, a weeaboo is someone who puts random Japanese into their sentences. It doesn't work in fics even if you base the character off of you (which, by the way, is called a self-insert and makes for a horrible character, which is why I avoid it), you still have to fix some things up. People are just going to laugh at you the way you have it right now.

You're apparently not sorry for ranting to me, because you did it. I'm happy you're a fan and all, but if you want to write, you're going to have to accept constructive criticism. That's just the way it goes.

Reviewer: Savannah Suicide Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/30/10 09:55 am Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

Random German in the sentences isn't cool, either.

Reviewer: Savannah Suicide Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/30/10 09:52 am Title: Spring Nicht und Live Every Second

Wow, weeaboooo.

Dude, it's not cool to have your characters say random Japanese things unless it's a story that takes place in Japan, and even then, I'm fairly sure no one with any dignity really says "baka" randomly. Trust me, I know -- I used to be obsessed with that stuff. Besides, 'baka' means 'stupid' so apparently everyone is a stupid? Because you said everyone are bakas. Yeah, doesn't work.

And btw, you really need a beta reader. This was full of grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors, along with the fact that there was nearly no detail and no believable plotline. I was seriously laughing while I was reading this and I'm fairly sure it wasn't supposed to be a comedy fic.

Please do me a favor and read some of the other fics on here. See how they're written. Or maybe, you know, read a book. Because I'm pretty sure somewhere inside you, you know that this isn't how a story is supposed to be written.

Thanks for the cookie, though.



Author's Response: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm 13 and this is the way I write. And this is my writing style. And the plot line doesn't exist because it is a ONESHOT about a story I'm writing. the character is based off me and this is how I talk. Even in English I put random words from other languages in my sentences. Also yes I know my grammar sucks, But then again that might be because I have ADHD,for which I don't take any medicine for. I'm impatient so that's why I don't have a beta reader. Look I love your stories and I love the way you write but it is hard for me to work the same way as you and other people I learn audibly and by demonstration, so to read something I can learn vocab. but not grammar. I'm sorry for ranting to you.

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